Sunday, December 2, 2012

Farts And Hot Flashes

Going through our recent mattress shopping experience, a possibility for a new product came to me; actually I picked up on a conversation between Cindy and one of the sales people:

Sales Girl: This mattress is very comfortable, it even adjusts to the temperature to help you sleep cooler.

Cindy: So this mattress will keep you cool at night?

Sales Girl: Yes if you sleep hot then this would be the one for you.

Cindy: You are saying if Jimmy is cold and I am hot, it will adjust to our body temperature.

Sales Girl: Not really it adjusts to the room temperature more so than your body.

Cindy: I thought that you were going to tell me that it helped with Hot Flashes.

Sales Girl: If I had a mattress that helped with Hot Flashes I would sell a million.

Now I am thinking, why can’t I invent a mattress that will adjust to your body temperature rather than the room, just think if I am cold my side of the mattress will automatically heat up a bit.

If Cindy is hot then a cooling sensation will flow through the mattress, what if by chance she gets an occasional Hot Flash? The proper solution would be for the mattress to give an occasional cool flash to counteract the Hot Flash.

How about design? We could design anything from Rock Hard to Soft and Fluffy as long as the heating and cooling element works correctly, to heck with a number to sleep by, how about a sleeping temperature.

Now that the idea is there lets talk about the pros and cons, but with this idea there should be all pros and no cons…Right? I like it when there are no questions about my ideas.

I’m going to make a million with my mattress that adjusts to anything you throw at it, when it comes to temperature that is.

I can see it now, my wife is feeling a bit warm and no longer is she throwing off the covers and flopping all over the place trying to cool down, I no longer have to get up and drag the blankets back onto the bed because I am cold.

She is comfortable with the cooling sensation the mattress is giving her; I am comfortable with the warmth of my side of the bed, what could go wrong with this design.

Then a dreaded question came up “What happens if you fart in bed?”
Now I have to work on this one, because if you are sleeping cool and the bed is keeping you warm, all of a sudden you let one slip and get a cool blast to your rear end.

This would kind of defeat the purpose of the bed, especially if the mattress can’t tell the difference between a Fart and a Hot Flash.

Back to the drawing board I suppose, I wonder if adding a “Fart Guard” would be the answer?

Do you have an invention idea that may or may not work?
____________________________________________________
I submitted this post to the Dude Write Weekly Challenge

After the votes were counted we received the majority and have been awarded with the People's Choice Award

Thank You to the Dudes over at Dude Write and most of all to you who read my posts and feel me worthy of your vote.

44 comments:

  1. I have the reverse problem; my wife is cold all the time and I'm on top of the covers trying to cool down.

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    1. Hey Stephen, If I am ever hot and on top of the covers, Cindy is standing under the fan :)

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  2. "This would kind of defeat the purpose of the bed, especially if the mattress can’t tell the difference between a Fart and a Hot Flash."

    Bwhahahahahahaha! HILARIOUS, Jimmy!!!!

    Hey, I love your idea for the bed that adjusts to your body temp because being someone who is ALWAYS hot when I sleep, I would love a mattress that would cool me off.

    Awesome post, buddy! And I'll be sure to head over to the site you mentioned and vote for you. With pleasure!

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    1. Hey Ron, If we had found one of these while we were shopping the choice would have been easy, I am amazed something like this hasn't been made as of yet, may be due to the problem I mentioned Ha Ha

      Thank You Buddy I appreciate you :)

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  3. If a fart is the only problem the idea would at least work on 1/2 of the bed.

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    1. Very True Joe, If we can get at least half of the idea working then we are almost half way there :)

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  4. Well, considering the farter in this house, doesn't even wake up, or seem the least bit bothered, I don't think the temperature change would make much difference. He wouldn't even notice!

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    1. Hey Ms.A, I suppose that would all depend on the temperature setting Ha Ha

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  5. Best bed to ease hot flashes is a temperature-controlled water bed. Let Cindy control the temp, and she will be verrrry happy. You? Not so much. (Maybe you could eat a lot of beans, and generate your own heat.)

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    1. Hey Susan, Yes a temperature controlled water bed would definitely work for the Hot Flashes, I guess you could always add an electric blanket to one side :)

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  6. How about a smell sensor and the ability to dispense lavender-scented air-freshener? And dude, you're clearly not taking this all the way - what about installing a self retrieving attack ball inside, to help you sleep safely?

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    1. Hi Daniel, The lavender scented air freshener and self retrieving attack ball could definitely be options for the luxury model.

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    2. I'm happy to have contributed to the formation of your complete line of smart mattresses. Smartresses, even.

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    3. Hey Dan, I am proud to have had your input on this project "Smartresses" yes that will be a good name for one of the luxury models.

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  7. Jimmy, I've just stopped laughing. You are so funny. There was a time in my life when I would have longed for one of your bed/temperature designs; not so now, old and off it means single beds....grins.

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    1. Hi Valerie, I am happy you got a laugh out of this one, I will most likely end up with a recliner I can just see myself rolling off a single bed :^0

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    2. Wish you hadn't said that, Jimmy ... I fell off mine last night. Heehee you should see my face.

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    3. Oh Lordy Valerie, I'll have to be more careful of what I say :^0 are we going to have to send you a side rail for your bed?

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    4. It looks like that stage has been reached... HELP!

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    5. May have to add this option in our mattress design. rails that keep us from rolling off the bed, I know it would help me for sure.

      Will have to get you one on the way so that you wont have to wait :)

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  8. I just want a bed that makes me fall asleep and stay asleep. Damn insomnia!

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    1. Amen Bijoux, Now that would be one I'd invest in.

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  9. Maybe a remote control? If my wife wasn't in the mood for some snuggling, I could cool her side down to the point where she comes over to cuddle, and get things heated up a bit? :)

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    1. Yes Ken, A remote control would be a must for this new bed.

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  10. I'm thinking a fan to draw down the smells, just on constantly. Of course, you can always just blame it on the dog...

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    1. Hey Betty, The fan idea is a good one, our problem here is the dog always blames it on us :)

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  11. You think like an engineer, Jimmy! Hot flash chiller with fart override mechanism!

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    1. Hey Abby, I would think you couldn't go wrong with a Hot flash chiller and fart override mechanism, kind of a win/win wouldn't you say :)

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  12. Replies
    1. Thanks Bev, Good to see you my Friend.

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  13. Very funny! I just voted for you on Dude Write. Good luck with that and with the mattress inventing!

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    1. I appreciate you Rachael, you never know we just may get this mattress idea to work, at least we can laugh at it :)

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  14. Gave you the vote, buddy. Good stuff. Hope you make a million (or, at least, win the contest.)

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    1. Thank You Jim, I am glad you enjoyed it, that is worth a million to me.

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  15. While you are working on that mattress, how about adding a mechanism that will let you control your dreams.

    I want the model that has George Clooney appearing in the dream.

    And I bet he doesn't fart.

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    1. Now this would definitely be an option on the super luxury model, now if this works out and Clooney does fart in the dream it will be OK because you shouldn't smell it, and if you do then the dream is just too realistic Ha Ha

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  16. Good idea Jimmy. It could be 35 degrees outside and we will still sleep with 2 fans running at full blast. Partly for the white noise, but also we both sleep hot. In fact I was just talking about this today. It was 72 degrees in the house when we went to bed last night, but we just had to kick on the AC and set it at 70. It was like 65 outside. I cannot sleep a wink if I am hot or their isn't any airflow.

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    1. Same here Michael, we actually have the vent turned off in our room to keep the heat a bay so to say, I'd rather pull the blanket up rather than to sleep hot.

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  17. This would have to be like the dual cabin temperatures in many cars. I can see a problem with venturing to the other side of the bed if temperatures don't warrant it.

    Honestly, getting rid of the electric blanket was the best for increased snuggling, so this might backfire on us.

    Next thing you know, the bed vibrates while reading Shades of Grey and we're sleeping on the couch.

    WG

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    1. Yes like the dual cabin temps in a car, the cooler temperatures do make the snuggling more likely to happen, I would definitely go for the cooler mattress just for this reason.

      "the bed vibrates while reading Shades of Grey and we're sleeping on the couch" Yes Sir I can see this happening also Ha Ha

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  18. I was reading Michael's answer and agreeing totally. I love a cold, cold room, but I bury myself under heavy blankets. (I HATE blankets that are light and fluffy, even if they ARE warm. I need WEIGHT)

    And before you invent a cool bed, work on a 'stay cool' pillow. I spend most of my nights turning mine over like a Bingo ball.

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    1. Isn't it strange how much trouble a pillow can cause, Cindy loves a down pillow and after sleeping on one for a while I have to agree with her.

      We also keep our room cooler than the rest of the house, the heat completely shut off within during the winter.

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  19. Wait, when you fart it's cold,air coming out? Whoa...

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    1. I suppose if you are farting cold air then an uncomfortable mattress is the least of your worries :)

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