Friday, January 12, 2018

Rogue road pooper

My new years day was spent with Cindy's brother replacing both toilets in our house. As we start aging, getting older, growing up it appears that toilets seem to get shorter and shorter. The toilet in Ray's bathroom was starting to give us some problems so we decided to install one that is a bit taller to make things easier for him, you know things like standing up.

front side of toilet bowl taken from low position to make toilet appear taller.
How tall is your toilet?
And if we were going to buy one tall toilet we might as well buy two, because standing back up after you have sat down is really important to me too.

"This will only take us about 30 minutes each" Cindy's brother told me, and I knew it was going to take a lot longer than that, especially when I saw that we were already thirty minutes into our little project and only one toilet had been unloaded and carried inside the house.

We actually were really lucky because there was only one snag. You know what happens when you tighten a nut onto a bolt "just one more turn?" Yep you guessed it, something breaks. Cindy's brother gave one more turn to the nut attaching the bowl to the floor and "Snap!!" The bolt broke off at the head, I was happy that it wasn't the bowl, but to fix it we had to remove the toilet and start over...

The second toilet went in much easier because all of our mistakes were made on the first one and even though it took longer than 30 minutes each, we now have two toilets that do what toilets are supposed to do.

As soon as the toilets were replaced and flushing fine Cindy's brother made his escape, he escaped before we had disposed of the old toilets. My first thought was since he hauled the new toilets to the house he could at least haul the old ones away, and since that didn't happen my next thought was flower pots. I suggested strategically placing them into our "fine landscaped lawn", fill them with dirt and plant some posies, Cindy said no posies so I suggested maybe roses, nope no roses, I almost suggested another flower when Cindy made it clear that it wasn't the flowers she was opposed to...

Ok tomorrow is trash day so I will haul them out to the curb and see if I can get the trash company to pick them up. I grabbed my handy dandy hand truck and proceeded to move two toilets from the back of the house out to the front, proudly displaying  both toilets on the side of the road. With the toilets out of the yard and the hand truck put away Cindy's cell phone rings, it's our buddy Chris from next door.

Two Toilets sitting on side of the road
Modern day two seater outhouse.
"Hey Cindy, I see you have a couple of toilets sitting in front of your house." "Yeah Chris, Jimmy replaced both of our toilets today." Cindy replied. "That's good, so why are the old toilets sitting on side of the road?" Chris asked. "So the trash company can pick them up, why do you ask?" This is when Chris laughed and said "I just figured you would hold onto them and have Jimmy plant you some flowers in them..."

Tuesday morning I called our trash company and asked when they could pick up the toilets. "We are in your area picking up large items every Tuesday" the representative told me, "Perfect" I said, "Today is Tuesday and the toilets are already on the curb", "Oh No", she replied "We can't do same day pickups, it will be next Tuesday before we can pick them up", "Well I guess I will have toilets sitting on the side of the road for a week then", I laughed. "No you have them out too early, you don't need to place them on the curb until next Tuesday morning!"

"It's going to be a week before the toilets will be picked up" I said to Cindy. I went on to say "I have a good idea, we have the neighbors dogs that visit, and Melissa brings her dogs to see us, so why don't I bring the toilets back into the yard, I can sit them in the backyard and fill them with water...you know a "Toilet Water Bowl!" the dogs will love it, you all know that dogs love toilets." Cindy didn't love the idea.

two toilets sitting in flower bed next to a concrete driveway
Toilets that I had to hide in the honeysuckles
I had to bring the toilets back in from the side of the road and "Hide them" in the honeysuckles next to the driveway, per my wife's suggestion. "You can't leave them on the side of the road for a week Jimmy!" She said, "What if somebody comes along and breaks them?",  "Yes Cindy, I don't want anyone coming along and breaking our broken toilets, or even worse I don't want anyone using them!"

"What do you mean use them? Nobody is going to use a toilet on side of the road!" Cindy said to me, which I had to reply, "Just picture this, late at night when everything is quiet, and everyone is asleep along comes a rogue road pooper who stumbles across not one but two toilets just sitting there begging to be used, you know kind of like one of those old two seater out houses, he may decide to use them both."

That is when I got my orders to hide them in the honeysuckles.

two toilets sitting in a flowerbed next to honeysuckle vines with Dixie our dacshund looking at them
Dixie wondering why the toilets are backwards.
Dixie wasn't fooled she found them right away...See I told you dogs love toilets.

44 comments:

  1. After reading this I dread the thought of replacing my toilet. I'd better check if one would be collected, just in case.

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    1. Valerie, I am sure if I had hired a plumber to install them, they would have hauled off the old ones.

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  2. Smiling rather a lot here. Thanks Jimmy.

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    1. I'm glad you got to smile over this one EC.

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  3. In this day and age of cell phones, it's so ridiculous that they can't do same day pickups!! It's the same here! Dixie looks quite confused by the bush potties! 😂

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    1. I was surprised that I had to schedule pickup for a week away, especially since their office is less than a mile away...Dixie knew they didn't belong in her flower bed.

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  4. There was a big john in the house when we bought it. I hated that thing! Only my toes touched the floor and it was most uncomfortable. When we were going to have the bathroom remodeled, I told him (nagged really) that I wanted one closer to the floor. He got smart a-- about it and bought the lowest model. It took me a while to get used to how low it was, but I'm sure he still pays for being such a smarty!

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    1. Oh man I bet he is kicking himself now for choosing one so short, next time I bet he picks one tall enough for comfort but to where you can get your feet on the floor.

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  5. Some people have lion statues on each side of their driveways. You can have poopers on each side of yours. Fun story Jimmy.

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    1. I didn't think of that Annie or I would have placed one on each side of the driveway, I would have loved to see the look on Cindy's face.

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    2. Your yard would have looked like the restroom for the Library of Congress!!

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    3. It definitely would have been the talk of the neighborhood Fran.

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  6. I've seen bathtubs used as flower containers in yards....why NOT toilets????

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    1. Delores with a toilet you actually have a two in one planter, you can plant them in the bowl and tank too.

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    2. or use the tank as an automatic watering system.

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    3. My mum used a half buried bath tub as a fish pond.

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  7. OMG - This is so hilarious Jimmy! Very kind to install the new tall ones though. Hugs and Happy Friday! Hugs...RO

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    1. Hey RO, the new taller toilets sure make a big difference.

      Happy Friday to you too.

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  8. Hiding the was definitely the best idea. We have a recycle center three miles away and will take these items three days a week. I prefer to just deliver items myself.

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    1. I could have hauled them out to the dump but having them pick them up was free, they were definitely less noticeable sitting in the honeysuckle bushes.

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    1. I'm glad that this is not a regular thing that I have to do.

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  10. Bwahahahahahahahahaha. It's not every day you see toilets in front of someones house. Thanks for the laughs.

    Have a fabulous day and weekend, Jimmy. ☺

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    1. Sandee these are definitely not regular decorations in this area, the neighbors were glad to see them go.

      A great weekend for you also.

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  11. Down here in the South they are called yard art!!! It's also fun to go out after dark and put one in your friends yard. But since you have blogged about it and advertised them, Your cover is blown.
    Lisa.

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    1. Lisa you are right my cover is blown, I should have put one in my buddy Chris's yard, that would have been funny.

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  12. I love my tall toilets. Worth every penny and any trouble involved in hauling them off. You're right, if you hire a plumber they take them with them. If you don't have a grab bar in Ray's bathroom make sure you get a couple. Men, especially, need the one on the back wall as well as the side.

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    1. Excellent advice Jean, I have added grab bars in Ray's shower, 3 actually and one on each side of the toilet, will have to look at the back wall, Thank you for the suggestion.

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  13. This is hilarious, but I know there was a lot of work behind the replacement and then the problem of disposal. Our garbage collectors don't pick up items like that so we have to arrange for disposal. We had to replace a toilet last summer (and by "we" I mean my husband) and it is still sitting on the back deck (our version of your honeysuckle, a good hiding spot), upside down because I was worried small animals might fall in and drown when the rain filled it up. Hubby is waiting until we have "enough junk" to warrant a trip to the dump. I know that sounds vague, but he does have a plan. We (and by "we" I again mean my husband) are almost finished replacing carpets and then all the old carpet and underlay AND THAT TOILET will go in the "construction" dumpster soon. Soooooon! The other night we were discussing the best way to protect a small shrub from the extra-cold weather we'll be getting over the next two months and finally hubby suggested inverting the toilet over it. We laughed until we cried. I don't think the neighbours would appreciate that in the front yard :D

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    1. Jenny it sounds like you have an excellent plan for eventually disposing of your old toilet, and until then if you use it to help protect your little shrub from the cold I say that is also a good plan. If you lived next door to me I'd say as long as you are OK with toilets in my honeysuckles I'd be OK with one over your shrubs.

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  14. Around here, stuff set out on the curb means it's free for the taking. I guarantee, within our city limits, those toilets would disappear before the week was up.

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    1. Val it seems people are picky about what they will take, I sat two TV's out thinking someone would grab them up quickly, but nope I couldn't even give them to a co worker of Cindy's because they wern't flat screens, I have a feeling that the old toilets wouldn't get picked up because they wern't new and in the box still.

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  15. I was expecting to read about you looking out on Tuesday morning and see your neighbor "borrowing" your toilet while reading your newspaper :)

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    1. Sage, That would be funny, I'm sitting here laughing just thinking about that.

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  16. TWO SEATER! NO WAITING! Joe was drooling at Lowes tall toilets, so we brought one home. One for HIS bathroom, not mine. And I'm glad. His bathroom is small, and when you flush, it sounds like a plane crash. it.is.that.noisy. My bathroom is huge with lots of tile and I'd have to figure out a way to flush from the outside. The noise requires ear plugs.

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    1. Wow I guess that we got lucky with the ones we bought, they are a bit quieter than our old ones and they flush really quickly, so far no ear plugs have been required.

      I looked at that picture of the toilets sitting there side by side and thought "Modern day two seater outhouse" lol

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  17. Those toilets don't look broken to me, what's wrong with them apart from being too short? I prefer a short toilet myself, being only five feet tall and female. I wouldn't have them in the front yard and planted either, but in the backyard where they can't be seen from the road I'd probably plant beans and tomatoes in them.

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    1. Other than being short they weren't flushing properly especially Ray's even after troubleshooting, replacing parts and making sure everything was clear to allow the water to flow, the new ones actually work really well. Planting beans and tomatoes around doesn't sound like a bad idea.

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  18. I'm clueless and our is fairly new...the add said it was flushble...which true and now they say it is to clean...not so.
    Coffee is on

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    1. Flushable is the most important thing Dora, as long as it does that then everything else is good.

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  19. You are too funny! Seriously though, it's a good idea to change them out. There's nothing worse for me, being both old and tall, than to realize too late that I sat down on a very low toilet with nothing to grab on to to help me get up.

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    1. The tall toilets sure make a difference now, it's easier to just stand up rather than to have to call for someone to pull you into a standing position. I believe they are a must for everyone as we begin to get older.

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  20. they look fine though idea of planting flowers in toil does sound appealing to me ,if something can be used why throwing it in trash

    you also reminded me a mishap when my elder brother once gave turn to our old black and white t.v's body the plastic broke and all next years we put the something weighty against it's broken back to saty stick with t.v's front body .now whenever hubby tights any thing i keep saying ,don't give it a next turn ,may be it is done lol

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    1. Baili I too have made the mistake of over tightening things before, your husband has to appreciate your reminders to not give it another turn, I believe you have saved many mishaps by watching him lol

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