I’m A Bi

It has been nearly six years since my eyesight has changed enough to warrant new glasses, I actually thought my eyesight may be improving because I had been taking my glasses off to read, but at the same time things out of my right eye were not so clear at a distance, so I made myself an eye appointment.

I went to see a new eye doctor who ran me through more tests than I knew existed, and after what seemed like an extended visit sent me out to choose new frames, this is when I had to compliment his tedious and thorough exam, but at the same time question the results.

Hey Doc why do I need trifocal lenses when I take my glasses off to read? His answer was “Because you can’t see without them” but I take my glasses off to read so it appears I can see, I argued.

He sat me back in the chair and flipped the machinery in front of my face, he asked me to read the words in front of me, I read them without any trouble, he then changed the lenses and asked me if I could read the words now, I can’t even see the words I told him, he laughed, the first one was your new reading lenses and the second your old ones, that’s why you were taking your glasses off.

I walked out and ordered my new glasses with the prescription he gave me, Cindy graciously picked out frames that she thought would look good, so the ones I had picked out beforehand were automatically eliminated.

We went to lunch and waited for my new glasses to be built, which reminded me of another lunch date we had with Cindy’s cousin a few years back.

Sitting at Denny’s with Kathy who is a very nice girl, but when she gets excited expresses herself very loudly, not unlike my wife just a bit more animated.

Discussing eyeglasses she looked at me and said, “I see that you don’t have to wear bifocals yet” to which I replied, yes I do they are the no line bifocals, which I think should be called trifocals because you have a reading lens at the bottom, a mid range in the middle, and a long distance view at the top.

“They are still called bifocals Jimmy” she said, then went on to explain how they actually worked, I always love messing with Kathy and most times she takes it well, so I continued with, Hey Kathy don’t you think they should be called trifocals because of the no lines which breaks them up into three, and since there are three views I guess I’m a Tri.

Very loudly, and I say loud enough for everyone in the restaurant, in the kitchen, out on the sidewalk, and especially me sitting right across from her, she said “Hey Jimmy, I’m a Bi”

We just sat and smiled as everyone in the restaurant turned to look at her, Cindy shushed her but Kathy turned sideways in her seat to address the restaurant.

She began to explain to us and everyone around how there was no shame in being a Bi, she was not going to change or hide the fact that she was a Bi, and that she was proud of the fact because since she admitted it and got what she needed everything in her life was so much clearer.

Two women sitting across from us had almost pulled their chairs right up to our table by then, Kathy noticed them and continued the conversation on how much better life was now, I’m glad that I am Bi she concluded.

Cindy was laughing too hard to help the situation, and Kathy’s brother was whispering for her to lower her voice, You are not a Bi Kathy, you don’t know what you are saying, Yes I do she said, yanking off her glasses and holding them out to where everyone could see, look these are bifocals and I have a line that everybody can see, so that makes me a Bi.

After lunch was over we went back to pick up my new glasses, placing them on my face for the first time I thought I would fall flat on the floor, nothing was clear, everything was spinning and I was getting sick to my stomach, I almost had them off my face when I was warned to continue wearing them because my prescription had indeed changed that much.

The next day everything was so much clearer, I was again walking without looking like I was marching in a parade, and now when I read a book my glasses stay on my face, I sometimes take them off out of habit, but they are working just fine, the only problem I have now is that I wonder, Since I have no line Bifocals does this make me a closet Bi?

Do you wear glasses and if so are they Single vision, Bifocals with line or no line, contacts, or none?