Tomorrow will come

The commercial begins with soft singing "The sun'll come out tomorrow" and then a statement something like this "When you have heart failure tomorrow is not a given"

I'm not sure why this really ticks me off, it just does,  I don't want to endorse their product nor do I want to talk bad about it either, I'm just going to discuss the subject of tomorrow from a heart patients point of view.

The very first time that I realized tomorrow is not a given, was when I was rushed into the "Cath Lab" of the hospital in Palm Springs, California and had a cardiac catheterization done, I literally thought I was going to die when that tube was inserted into my groin with no anesthesia, I had a 100% blockage as most of you remember, for those who want to look back here is the link On The Ninth

During this experience I felt myself blacking out, and I remember feeling helpless thinking I am dying, I just wanted to see Cindy, tomorrow is not a given, but tomorrow came.

I have cherished all of my tomorrows since and the next time I felt that tomorrow is not a given was a year later, I had another angiogram done which was a piece of cake because I didn't feel a thing this time, it is amazing how well anesthesia works in situations like this.

The results were not good and I was admitted into the hospital at Loma Linda for open heart surgery, I was prepared for everything, saw the videos on what to expect, and had all of my questions answered, but I am here to tell you that all of this preparation did not prepare me for reality.

I was laying on the gurney joking with the anesthesiologist when all of a sudden I wasn't, I was looking at Cindy leaning over me and Melissa our daughter was looking over Cindy's shoulder at me, it literally went that fast.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I certainly couldn't talk and I was pulling at the tubes laying on my chest, Cindy turned her head and said He thinks he is not breathing, he is trying to pull the tubes, she looked at me and told me to relax, a nurse stepped in front of her and told me to relax, the machine is breathing for you she said, I couldn't feel anything working, they were all holding me down, this scared the hell out of me and I really thought I was dying.

After a brief struggle they decided to remove the breathing tube, because the more I woke up, the more I fought that tube, it is scary to be joking with a person one minute and wake up the next with tubes sticking out of parts of your body that you never realized they could stick a tube.

Tomorrow is not a given but this experience gave me the assurance of more tomorrows.

The next scare was my need for the defibrillator implanted into my chest, I never felt that I was dying but during the discussion explaining it, my cardiologist reminded me that a portion of my heart is gone, "dead meat don't beat" I love this guy he has a way of explaining things that make sense to me, he said, "if you get into trouble, wait let me rephrase that" "it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when you have another cardiac issue, you will die without this"

Hopefully all of my cardiac issues are behind me for now, tomorrow is not a given but with my surgeries and defibrillator implanted I have more tomorrows promised.

Tomorrow is not a given for anyone, all of us have different issues that may limit our tomorrows and this is not just for people with heart failure, whatever our issues are we have to do our best to take care of them, and to give ourselves more tomorrows.

You can't dwell on the negatives, health problems come with living I see them as a stumbling block not as a wall that will stop me, yes I have been scared but never did I want to give up, fight for your tomorrows, even though they are not a given, always look forward to tomorrow because with faith tomorrow will come.

Have you had a scare that made you question tomorrow?