It seems like ever day there are more and more high profile sexual misconduct and rape allegations being levied against someone or another. The morning news is covered with breaking news of a different actor, producer, politician, or some other big name who has either touched, fondled, made lewd remarks to, or even brutally raped a young man or woman once, or even a large group of victims over a number of years. Come on now, what is up with this?
It is a sad situation that someone can be abused by anyone and their secret is kept, this is nothing new but why in the world would you want to force anyone into performing sexual acts against their will in the first place? Why in Gods name would you want to slap your spouse around and go so far as to beat the snot out of them? Why is it OK for a high profile rapist to continue adding victims to his list right in front of everyone who knows him? And why in the Hell can't these victims come forward immediately when it first happens?
Fear is one reason; the victim is convinced that if they say anything then their abuser will retaliate, or that no one will believe them.
Sometimes you feel that you have nowhere else to go, and this leaves you feeling trapped.
Other times you think that it is all your fault, or that your actions caused you to be beaten or raped, and that you deserved it.
It sucks that we have so many people in these situations, yes there is a long list of celebrities who are dealing with a lot of different abuses and sexual assaults, but what about everyday common folks like us? Why don't you recognize that your neighbor, close friend, sister, brother, Mother, or even yourself is the victim of an abuser?
My Mom married really young and I was born a little over a year later, my Dad was a very jealous man and he worked nights. I actually remember him sneaking in the back door one night, and while he was coming in the back door, Mom was looking out the front door because she had heard his car pulling up into the driveway. My brother and I were sitting on the floor and my sister asleep in her crib. My Dad walked in and saw Mom at the front door and accused her of letting someone leave (a lover in his mind).
He slapped her and we were all put to bed, from behind their closed bedroom door I still remember laying in bed listening to the sounds of her crying and being beaten, she probably thinks I was too young to remember this, but folks let me tell you, the sounds of this horrible scene still comes to me in the middle of the night sometimes.
My Dad was not a nice man then, and I am proud to say that Mom got away from him while we were all still young. I remember standing in the driveway with Mom and my brother, while a police officer tried to talk my Dad out of the house; Dad was holding my little sister. While Dad was arguing with the officers out front, another police officer snuck in the same back door that my Dad had used, this police officer ended up walking out of the house carrying my baby sister on one hip and holding my handcuffed father with the other hand.
I don't usually talk about things like this, but abuse happens to a lot of us and it is kept under wraps, my Mom suffered at the hand of my own father but she finally got enough of it to walk away, and it took law enforcement to get her away from him.
I have seen a lot of things in my life, the abuse my Mom went through, the abuse others have shared with me, and some other situations that I am not comfortable discussing right now. I alluded earlier that I didn't understand how victims could wait so long to come forward, or how they could simply allow their abusers to continue abusing them.
I do in fact understand how you can hide the facts and keep some things to yourself, but what I don't understand is WHY do we do this?...I've asked myself this a million times.
Fear is one reason you don't leave, I agree this is very scary but staying with an abuser is a whole lot worse than getting away, you think there is nowhere to go, but in this day and age there are always places where you can escape, your first step is to call law enforcement to help get you out of the situation, and if you have no family that you can turn to, the police can point you in the right direction of places where you can go. Abuse is never your fault, no matter what you have said or done, you Do Not Deserve to be beaten for it.
Nobody asks to be beaten, and no one ever asks to be sexually abused or raped!
With all of the High Profile Rapists coming to light, and with all of the victims finally coming forward, there are going to be a lot of the abusers saying, "It's all a lie, I didn't do anything, this is all made up." I hope none of these allegations are false, because coming forward for an actual event of rape or abuse is hard enough to begin with, and should never be clouded by someone else's lies.
If you are being abused please think of a way to get yourself out of the situation, there is no shame in reaching out for help, being constantly abused is not worth it, you do not deserve it, and it is not your fault. If you have been sexually abused or raped, call the authorities and get yourself some help, you are not alone and hiding the fact that you were sexually abused only tells your rapist that it is ok, in my opinion it is not OK.
There is no better time than now to take the steps that will get you to a better place in life, and to stop the abusers, whether physical or sexual from ever hurting you again.
Fear is one reason; the victim is convinced that if they say anything then their abuser will retaliate, or that no one will believe them.
Sometimes you feel that you have nowhere else to go, and this leaves you feeling trapped.
Other times you think that it is all your fault, or that your actions caused you to be beaten or raped, and that you deserved it.
It sucks that we have so many people in these situations, yes there is a long list of celebrities who are dealing with a lot of different abuses and sexual assaults, but what about everyday common folks like us? Why don't you recognize that your neighbor, close friend, sister, brother, Mother, or even yourself is the victim of an abuser?
My Mom married really young and I was born a little over a year later, my Dad was a very jealous man and he worked nights. I actually remember him sneaking in the back door one night, and while he was coming in the back door, Mom was looking out the front door because she had heard his car pulling up into the driveway. My brother and I were sitting on the floor and my sister asleep in her crib. My Dad walked in and saw Mom at the front door and accused her of letting someone leave (a lover in his mind).
He slapped her and we were all put to bed, from behind their closed bedroom door I still remember laying in bed listening to the sounds of her crying and being beaten, she probably thinks I was too young to remember this, but folks let me tell you, the sounds of this horrible scene still comes to me in the middle of the night sometimes.
My Dad was not a nice man then, and I am proud to say that Mom got away from him while we were all still young. I remember standing in the driveway with Mom and my brother, while a police officer tried to talk my Dad out of the house; Dad was holding my little sister. While Dad was arguing with the officers out front, another police officer snuck in the same back door that my Dad had used, this police officer ended up walking out of the house carrying my baby sister on one hip and holding my handcuffed father with the other hand.
I don't usually talk about things like this, but abuse happens to a lot of us and it is kept under wraps, my Mom suffered at the hand of my own father but she finally got enough of it to walk away, and it took law enforcement to get her away from him.
I have seen a lot of things in my life, the abuse my Mom went through, the abuse others have shared with me, and some other situations that I am not comfortable discussing right now. I alluded earlier that I didn't understand how victims could wait so long to come forward, or how they could simply allow their abusers to continue abusing them.
I do in fact understand how you can hide the facts and keep some things to yourself, but what I don't understand is WHY do we do this?...I've asked myself this a million times.
Fear is one reason you don't leave, I agree this is very scary but staying with an abuser is a whole lot worse than getting away, you think there is nowhere to go, but in this day and age there are always places where you can escape, your first step is to call law enforcement to help get you out of the situation, and if you have no family that you can turn to, the police can point you in the right direction of places where you can go. Abuse is never your fault, no matter what you have said or done, you Do Not Deserve to be beaten for it.
Nobody asks to be beaten, and no one ever asks to be sexually abused or raped!
With all of the High Profile Rapists coming to light, and with all of the victims finally coming forward, there are going to be a lot of the abusers saying, "It's all a lie, I didn't do anything, this is all made up." I hope none of these allegations are false, because coming forward for an actual event of rape or abuse is hard enough to begin with, and should never be clouded by someone else's lies.
If you are being abused please think of a way to get yourself out of the situation, there is no shame in reaching out for help, being constantly abused is not worth it, you do not deserve it, and it is not your fault. If you have been sexually abused or raped, call the authorities and get yourself some help, you are not alone and hiding the fact that you were sexually abused only tells your rapist that it is ok, in my opinion it is not OK.
There is no better time than now to take the steps that will get you to a better place in life, and to stop the abusers, whether physical or sexual from ever hurting you again.
I was raised in a war zone like you were. My father was very heavy handed with my mother and then me. My mother never left and I wish she would have. Fear is right. She didn't have much of an education and things were different for women back then. It was a hard way to grow up and I ended up walking off at 16 never to return. It was the only way I could see to survive. I truly believed my father would kill me before I became an adult.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
You are so right Sandee, things were different for women back then and in fear is a horrible way to live. I'm sorry you had to go through that my friend.
DeleteThe rape is for power, not sex, the other abuse is multiple reasons, none of which I can understand. I would also say I do not understand not stepping forward and reporting and leaving the abuser, except it was not until my second wife left that I realized I was a victim of outrageous over the top verbal abuse, I'm talking head spinning slime spitting non stop moments of unrelenting verbal abuse which would have been physical except I was able to stop hits and kicks as she was not a good fighter and I was just much stronger.
ReplyDeleteJoe, That makes a lot of sense, rape being more about power and not actually sex, doesn't make it sound any better though.
DeleteMen are in fact abused by women in a lot more instances than we realize, and these are less reported I am sure due to being thought less likely believed. I'm glad that you are away from her now and happy that you have the current Mrs. Cranky.
Thank you for this heartfelt post. I'm sure it was painful to write. I'm sure your childhood was less than pleasant. I hope someone in a bad situation benefits from you sharing this experience.
ReplyDeleteStephen,, If only one person benefits from this I will be very happy, yes Sir it was difficult to write, there was a lot of editing and a lot of stuff taken out, but you know how that goes, I can sometimes be too wordy, and some of the words I really didn't think appropriate.
DeleteThank you Stephen you are a good man.
Why stay? Why not report it? I wonder about these myself, but people have their reasons. I know some women who just can't think of an alternative, and they fear change. Strange, but common. The allegations coming out of Hollywood are despicable, but not surprising. Power corrupts.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your dad, Jimmy. I'm glad your mom was strong enough to get you and your siblings away, but that's got to be a tough thing to go through as a kid.
Hey Abby, I am sure each situation is completely different and with each one a whole list of different reasons that they stay, it's hard to understand someones reasoning when they don't know themselves. I just pray that anyone in an abusive situation can find the strength to reach out for help, because with most all they have to do is admit it to a good friend or family member and they will definitely protect them from there.
DeleteThank you Abby, you made some excellent points.
I am touched by your willingness to admit what you experienced. No children (or mother) should have had to deal with such treatment. Interestingly, there seems to been a break in the dam with Harvey Weinstein as more and more women (and a few men) are coming forward. While I doubt it will end such situations, hopefully it will reduce the number of incidents in which women and children have to endure such abuse.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sage, You are 100% correct, no one should have to go through this and it is really sickening how many people are living like this now.
DeleteDefinitely a break in the dam in Hollywood, it seems there is a new name every day, which is good in a sense that some will be made to pay for their actions, and bad that so many got away with it for so long.
A hard blog to write, Jimmy, I'm sure. But the timing seems right given what's going on now in our world. I'm sorry you and your family had to go through all that. Memories can be painful and it's human nature to want to make them go away, put it all behind us. But of course, we know it doesn't work that way as those things color how we see ourselves, other people and situations.
ReplyDeleteI speak from experience, too. I was sexually abused as a preschooler. Fortunately the guy was caught in the act because I was barely old enough to talk. 40 years later I was able to find and read the records of his day in court and newspaper account. I was also stranger raped in my 20s and came very close to be date raped another time. I didn't tell a living soul about either until over 50 years later. The guy that nearly date-raped me was worked for a Christian newspaper. Who would have believed me?
I understand HOW we got where we're at---the history of how women and children were once thought of as just property and it wasn't even illegal to beat them or sexually abuse them. The legacy of the abused feeling shame and responsible for the abuse is a hold over from those days, passed down from one generation to another. What we do about it in the future is still a mystery. I think a good place to start would be to develop nation-wide classes that teach both sexes what is acceptable and what isn't and clearly defines levels of abuse---it kind of ticks me off when someone calls a leering look "sexual abuse." Hopefully, that dialogue is starting right now and by you, Jimmy, taking a step to talk about your past adds to the healing process for all of us.
Jean, you hit the nail on the head. I only have to add that no one in my family ever heard about my father's sexual advances toward me. My father continued to live in our house (Mom invited him back with a promise that he wouldn't have any power over me), until the day or so after graduation when I packed everything into my car and left. My sister and I discuss it sometimes, but my Aunts, Uncles, cousins have no idea. The things we learn at home, silence the minority.
DeleteHello Jean, Yes Mam it was difficult to write because with each days news just brought it to a head with me more and more, I had nearly written a book before I cut it back to where it is now, but when the memories flood out...
DeleteI am sorry you had to endure those attacks over your lifetime, no one should have had to go through that, and I can see how you never reported the last two, I have heard this said more than once from people really close to me, and I have a situation myself that only I know about now...It's not easy but it happens.
Both my son when he was in elementary school and his son when the same age as his daddy was both got got taken to the principles office and parents called in for Sexual Abuse allegations, one blew a classmate a kiss and the other had kissed one on the cheek, the horror of it all, these are first graders for Gods sake.
There is a serious problem that we have going on that has been going on for years, and I think you have a great idea about having classes that teach both male and females what is acceptable and what is not, we have to learn how to talk about it rather than hide it, and I also hope we can get it started.
Thank you Jean
What is it they say? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors, and what you describe is a perfect example of how many people handle situations like this. Some family secrets need addressed but never are, I hate that you being the victim of sexual advances like this were swept under the rug.
DeleteMaybe fear of the unknown can be bigger than fear of the current situation. I'm glad your mom was able to find the strength to get herself and you kids out of a bad situation, Jimmy. Kudos to you for sharing a very personal story to try to help others. You never know whose life might be changed as a result.
ReplyDeleteVery true Jenny, Fear of the unknown is something a lot of folks can't overcome, Thank you so much Jenny I appreciate it.
DeleteThank you.
ReplyDeleteIt was no doubt a hard topic to write about, and a hard life to live. People stay for so many reasons. Not least that being beaten physically often follows years of emotional abuse and they have come to believe that they deserve it, are useless and would be worse off elsewhere.
Hopefully now that we are starting to talk about it, the tide will turn. It was hidden for too long and I firmly believe that things hidden in the dark fester and grow.
You are correct EC, things left hidden in the dark fester and grow, it is about time this subject was brought to light, because there are too many souls out there trapped thinking the worst of themselves because of an abuser, we need to show them that they have a lot better options other than staying with that abuser. Thank you my friend.
DeleteI (thank God) have not suffered through any of this, but I still had to catch my breath while reading it!!
ReplyDeleteFran you are definitely blessed to have never suffered anything like this, I am so happy for you.
Delete"if you tell, I'll..." is often a factor in keeping quiet just as much as fear. Fear that the victim will be perceived as "bad", fear that the abuser may actually do what he or she has threatened.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that a lot of victims are now speaking up, but there needs to be a shift, where people speak up at the first instance of abuse, not years later. That will take time to happen, but it will I'm sure.
I got out when hubby two, beat me and to everyone who asked, I told them why. There's just no way I could say I "fell down stairs" or "walked into a door". Too many people know I'm not clumsy. And I wouldn't want to hide it and have him get away with it. I had him arrested and jailed for the weekend to give me time to move my stuff.
Fear is a big part of the abuse also River, "just wait until I get you home..." is another threat that I actually remember hearing said now, but had actually forgotten before. Hopefully as more talk of the abuses people are going through continues the less the abuses will be tolerated, and people will feel comfortable coming forward a lot sooner.
DeleteI am happy that you had husband number two arrested and never covered for his abuses, getting away from him was the best thing you could have done, once they start beating you it only gets worse, I am proud of you for taking care of yourself like you did.
It's amazing how much the floodgates have opened post-Weinstein. Thankfully most of these stories are turning out to be true beyond a doubt. I know Louis CK got hit recently by the bombshell, but he didn't exactly assault people just "showed off" in front of them. But at least he was man enough to admit it.
ReplyDeleteHey Adam, The floodgates are indeed opened wide right now, I'm glad a lot of these people are being exposed for who they are.
Deletemy dad was an ugly drunk, but he never got physical, thank God.
ReplyDeleteRe all the stuff coming out; I just can't believe how the GOP is sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss to maintain their weak grasp of control. It's like no sin is too great....they'll keep their own in office or put them in office, NO MATTER WHAT. Sickening.
Most of the time an ugly drunk and domestic violence go hand in hand, yes thank God your dad never got physical that is a blessing in itself.
Deleteit truly is! Worst was when he locked us all outside. I remember mom cut her wrist using something from the garage to cut through the screen door to get us inside. My brain has faithfully buried whatever happened next, except I do remember the yelling...
DeleteThe yelling is sometimes as bad as if you were being physically abused, because it does stick in your mind, you may not remember the exact words but still you do remember it happening. I'm sorry your mom hurt herself simply trying to get inside her own house, that had to be scary for you all.
DeleteI think most women (and it looks like a great number of men) have #metoo stories. I don't want to get into my own personal experiences except to say I've read your post and am sorry for you as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bijoux, I can respect you not wanting to share personal experiences, I do understand that completely and I also appreciate you for being a good friend.
DeleteWell said.
ReplyDeleteThank you Val.
DeleteMy mother abused me, my brother and my Dad. My Dad never escaped, and put up with the violence even when he was dying. I tried to get him out of the situation but by then it was too late. I know all about haunting images that keep us awake at night. I'll never forget. And don't forget how much harder it was because it was a woman doing these things to a man. Now it's more acceptable, but at the time it wasn't seen as possible.
ReplyDeleteJoey, I remember you talking about your mother abusing your family before, that was a very hard way to grow up and I really respect you for doing the right thing by both of your parents, you are a good man.
DeleteThe haunting images that come to you at night is terrifying, for me it is more the sound of my mom crying that rips my heart out, and those sobs are what I hear.
Very true there was a time it was unheard of for a man to be the victim of domestic violence, I just wonder how many cases there actually were because the men never came forward.
My hubby was raised by abusive parents (physical and emotional). I am sure they were just both probably modeling how they were raised and might not have known any better at the time. Both didn't finish high school and years later got their GED and further education. They did both sort of apologize to hubby and his brother for the way they treated them in their growing up years. Hubby's brother was so afraid he would be abusive that he chose not to have children. Hubby chose to have children, but said it was an effort at times not to slip into patterns he was familiar with on how he was raised. I called him on a few things that were questionable and he always backed down. I think sometimes it is a tough cycle to get out of. I'm not really sure, having not experienced abuse of any kind. I feel for you and others that have had to endure it and I admire those that are willing to walk away, like your mom did. I'm sure it was not easy to do and the rest of the time raising you/siblings was fraught with problems, yet she was wise to finally break that cycle that she was going through.
ReplyDeletebetty
Yes Betty, The abusive actions can run in a cycle from generation to generation, I am sure there are studies out there that will prove this as fact. I am happy that your husband was able to break that cycle in his family and that you never had to suffer abuse nor see any of that in your own life. Helping one another keep their cool is key when disciplining children anyway, but with the fear of falling into an abusive cycle in the back of your husband's mind only made your success more sweet.
DeleteMom did really well in raising us, and I am positive getting away from my dad way back then probably saved her sanity if not her life.
How I agree with you and others. I was a little afraid to say too much in my blog, read and re-read several times before posting what now seems like a very lighthearted attempt at putting my view forward. I didn't mention my cruel mother, but watch my blog space ... coming soon.
ReplyDeleteGood morning Valerie, I did the exact same thing with this one, there was so much more I had written to begin with, but I went back and removed some things that I didn't really feel added any more to the topic, actually I pulled out some stuff that I wasn't that comfortable talking about just yet, maybe another day...
DeleteI thought your blog post was very well written and perfectly timed, especially since I had already edited mine to pieces and had decided to post it, reading yours made me feel that I was doing the right thing.
Thank you Valerie, I'm looking forward to your next post.
Jimmy, I adore all your posts, but you already know this is by far my fave, because it speaks to my platform of domestic violence, be it verbal or physical. This, along with rape and assault remain silent crimes, and the perpetrators exist because of our fear and confusion. I'm thrilled that more people are talking, and like you, I look forward to seeing more people who are not famous gathering their courage to speak up or to get out. My heart goes out to those who have posted here, and to you for all the suffering you went through, and your ability to share and make a difference to others. HUGE Hugs and I thank you so very much! RO
ReplyDeleteHello RO, I was so looking forward to feedback from you on this one because I knew that it was right in your wheelhouse so to say, and I appreciate everything you do for others and your passion for the silent crimes of domestic violence and sexual assault.
DeleteSimply reading the comments from our little family right here I see this is just the tip of the iceberg, there is a whole lot more going on in our world than we know, I pray that we all can talk more on this subject, if we all occasionally did a post similar to this maybe just one person could gain enough courage to reach out for help and to pull themselves away from an abusive life. That in itself would be worth it all.
Aww Jimmy, I am so sorry you and your Mom had to experience that but am so happy that she took the steps to make it stop. That took courage.
ReplyDeleteI think today things are coming out of the woodwork because years ago and sadly even relatively recently, we were not believed.
I was molested by three of my bosses, one left me with cracked ribs, and no one believed me. Today the flood gates are open. Women and men finally feel safe in coming forward.They are being heard. There is power in the many that the few never had. As hard as it is to keep hearing, I am so grateful for this movement. I will worry less about my grand nieces now as the spotlight shines on the sexual cockroaches.
Hello Patti, It is such a shame that you were not believed when your assaults occurred, I have heard this more than once and it is so horrible that this is just the way it was. I guess that your cracked ribs just magically appeared, wasn't nobody's fault but your own I suppose...Geeze this stuff really gets to me, I hope to God that we are getting past this way of thinking.
DeleteI'm glad that people are coming forward now, a lot of big names coming out of the woodwork, but truthfully not to lessen their pain, I hope that more common people like you and I can start coming forward and both get themselves away from the horrors that we know they are living, and also those who are molested and sexually assaulted I pray they can come forward immediately and get these monsters stopped.
The abused feel trapped. They are afraid to speak out. Often they are brainwashed to thinking its their fault and speaking out will make it worst. As far as the famous people, I think the abused does not want to be “the one” that add the fuel to the flame and be “that person” that causes the abuser to loose his/her job or reputation. It makes the victim more of a victim. Its so sad this goes on every day. It sickens me to watch tv sometimes. On the other side, the society and lies have made it hard to distinguish truth and lies. This makes it hard for the true abused. It’s just terrible.
ReplyDeleteLisa
Lisa, you are 100% right in everything you said, it is sad that the abused are made to feel like they have done something wrong if they come forward, it's not their fault if an abuser is publicly humiliated or lose their jobs, it only serves them right, the victim did not do this, the abuser is the one who should be shamed rather than the victim.
DeleteSo many are coming forward that it is hard to distinguish between who is telling the truth and who is not, I hope that anyone making a claim does not lie about what happened to them, or make up a story I guess I should have said, lying is only going to make it harder for those actually abused, you are so right there.
Thank you Lisa.
Thanks Jimmy, and the story of your mom standing at the door, Is so vivid. I know first hand the exact same accusations. Its crazy.
DeleteSo glad your mom got away and sorry you had to experience that.
ReplyDeleteThank you Inger, I appreciate you my friend.
DeleteI felt sad while reading about your dearest mother Jimmy but i am so proud of you for the post of today!
ReplyDeleteThank God that your mom made right decision at the right time and did not let her children suffer with what she was into .
I live in a country where women have lesser exposure than advanced countries like you live in but still domestic violence is common though not like before but it still exist in society .
Your post brought back memory of my teenage era when i witnessed a girl's death who's husband burnt her because he was suspicious though he had no proof and either everybody of small village (35 houses only) knew that she was clean in her character .
It still horrifies me .
I still remember the peace i felt when watcher of the crime were too declared criminals in movie "Accused"
Baili, I can't imagine how bad you felt watching that poor girl being burned to death as punishment of an accusation, that had to be horrible to see, even if she were guilty I don't think that she deserved that.
DeleteYou said women in your country have less exposure than women where I live but domestic violence is still common, I believe that even though a lot of us live in different countries with different laws and customs, that we all are plagued with the same problems like domestic violence, we are all the same in that we want a solution for this, none of us want to be abused nor taken advantage of.
Thank you for sharing your experience Baili, I pray one day that all of our people will no longer have to worry about abuse in our own households.
Good for your mom! I can understand how a woman would be loath to leave when the man swears he'll never do it again. And again. But violence is completely unacceptable. I don't know what the answer is but I don't think it will ever change that the strong will on some occasions take advantage of the weak.
ReplyDeleteExcellent point Liz, Like you I don't have an answer either and I too know that the strong will always take advantage of the weak, but I would like to see avenues that the weak are comfortable taking to remove themselves from their abusers, the abusers like you described who promise to never do it again but turn right around and do it again. This violence is completely unacceptable.
DeleteIt's good to see you this morning Liz.
Unfortunately, the politician in the news right now is from Alabama. What's brutal is how those people here justify his actions. It's embarrassing breaks my heart for all women that has gone through this. I have no point of reference.
ReplyDeleteR
Rick, I agree with you, it is embarrassing when people we trust attempt to cover up sexual misconduct allegations of anyone, much less someone we possibly voted for in our own state. Women and even men in some cases who have been abused are the ones we need to stand behind, it doesn't matter who the abuser was their actions are wrong and shouldn't be hidden, if someone was sexually abused then the one who abused them should pay for what they did.
DeleteThank you for speaking up Rick, you are a good man.
My heart truly goes out to those who have been abused, abuse is a terrible act to do to anyone, I should know, I've been abused myself many of times, but I've learned to have a heart of compassion for those abusers as well for the pain they must be in, that brings on the terrible acts they do, even though that doesn't excuse them for those terrible acts in which they've done or do.
ReplyDeleteTrue Lon, There has to be a reason that the abusers do what they do, a bit of compassion for them definitely doesn't excuse their actions nor should it overshadow those actions either.
DeleteWell said my friend.
Your post has really struck a nerve Jimmy.
ReplyDeleteAs I think you already know, I grew up in a very physically abusive family. Mine was different than most, in that my mother was the abuser. A violent, crazy, and abusive woman. As a kid I never said boo to anybody about it because I thought it was normal! Boy things have changed. It took a lot of counseling, but I've pretty much gotten beyond it all now.
I worked for a huge organization as an adult, I spend most of my career doing labor relations work. Part of my job was to investigate sexual harassment claims, and to take appropriate action. In almost every instance, witnesses voluntarily came forward supporting the claimant.
In my opinion, men did these things to women solely because they knew they would get away with it. I'm happy to say that I helped change that belief.
I almost forgot to say, that whenever it was remotely appropriate, the harassers were terminated. No second chances. We also put a new policy into place that mandated that ALL employees, management or not, who witness or are told about sexual harassment, MUST report it. If not, we would consider them just a guilty of the harassment as the perpetrator. In other words, if you heard about sexual harassment, and didn't do anything about it, then you are as just as guilty as the harasser. Unfortunately, on a few occasions we ended up terminating not only the harasser, but their supervisor as well.
I remember the posts about your Mom when you were growing up, that was a very hard time in your life and I am so glad that you were able to get past all of that and find out for sure that this way of life is not normal.
DeleteThese experiences made you a perfect choice as an investigator on the sexual harassment cases at your job. The policy that you put into place is cut and dried and exactly the same policy as all employers should be using.
Jimmy, you said it so well. I applaud you for sharing your mom's story. It must have taken a lot of courage for her to make that step. I'm glad she had the police department on her side, helping her.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to go through this as a child. I'm glad you turned out to be a compassionate, understanding adult because of it.
Mom got lucky with this situation for sure, it was probably the best move she made by getting us all out of there.
DeleteI learned a lot from her growing us and I still am really close to her, plus she loves Cindy to death :)