Words for Wednesday is a fun challenge for everyone, it's been awhile since I have participated so I thought I'd jump in this week. All you have to do is take the prompts provided and use them any way you want, be it a story, poem, or whatever, the purpose of the challenge is for us to write something and have fun doing it.
Elephants Child is providing the prompts this week, if you join in please drop by and let her know so we can all enjoy your offerings too.
This weeks word prompts are:
enclosing, purpose, care, patch, jamming, shame
And/or
bent, organic, mangle, textbook, gravity, excuse
The gift of caring
There is nothing Textbook about taking Care of an aging
parent, when you accept this task you simply do the best that you can. Your
Purpose is to make sure they are happy and that their daily needs are attended
to.
The Gravity of this undertaking can be enormous, and it is a
Shame that the responsibility sometimes falls into the lap of only one sibling,
as it has with my wife Cindy. There is no Excuse for the fact that only one
sibling has time to make sure their parent’s daily activities are taken care of, while
the rest barely have time to ever even pick up the phone to check in on them.
As most of you know Cindy and I moved to California about
ten years ago to help out with her Mom who was struggling with Alzheimer's at the
time, we lost her Mom seven years back and now our days are filled with the
adventures of keeping her Father out of trouble, which is a blessing I am glad
that we are a part of.
His Mangle of gray hair had to be combed and kept in place
exactly right, and then he wanted to grow it long for some unknown reason, so
long that the balding top actually blended into a gray strand of hair falling
down the back of his neck and Enclosing around the tops of his shoulders, this
all looked good until Cindy Bent his favorite comb trying to remove a tangle,
this is when Ray decided that he wanted a “Kojak” and now I shave his head about once a week.
Have you ever been a caregiver?
Caring for a parent is taxing, but worth it. I so remember.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day and weekend. 😎
Definitely worth it Sandee, I agree 100%
DeleteA great weekend for you also!
What a heart warming post, Jimmy. When you were talking about Ray's hair it reminded me of a time I took my dad to get his monthly haircut and his barber said, "I can't keep charging you full prince for what little bit of hair you have left to cut." Thanks for a memory that makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteI share-cared my dad with my brother. We worked out a deal that worked for us all and I had my husband's full support but my brother's wife was resentful of the time my brother spent with Dad. It put a lot of stress on him. I am very proud of the fact that we were able to keep Dad in his own home for the last five years of his life. I have lots of joyful memories of that time, but it wasn't east. Five months after Dad died, my husband had his massive stroke and I became his caregiver for the next 12 plus years. Caregiving isn't easy but I would not want to live with the guilt if I hadn't stepped up to the plate.
Thank you Jean, I know that I am "preaching to the choir" so to say when discussing caregiving with you, my hat is off to you for the time you have spent caring for others, this old world needs more people like you.
DeleteWhen my mom went in a home, it was 1000 miles away from me and only a few miles from my brother who visited every day. I visited maybe twice a year. THe visits were not always easy, I truly appreciated the time and care my brother unselfishly provided in her last years.
ReplyDeleteJoe it is really hard when you are so far away from your parents like you were, I am in the same boat with mine since they are on the east coast and me on the west, you can only do what you can and visit when possible when you are 1000 miles away, my problem is with those who live in the same town and cannot work it into their schedule to visit, Thank God your brother was close and was willing to care for her like he did, you would have done the same had you been close.
DeleteThis is lovely Jimmy. A carer'r role is never easy, and sometime heartbreaking. It is always worthwhile though.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I was my mother's carer for a number of years (with the rest of the family pretending it didn't happen/wasn't necessary).
Thank you EC, Yes it is really frustrating when those who should be helping sit back and judge when you are doing the best that you can, at least you were willing to be there for your Mom, we have the same thing here, the ones who aren't helping are the ones who want to accuse you of doing it wrong...
DeleteWe have 2 caregivers who see to my husband's (& my) needs from 8:00 pm to 8:00 am. The rest of the time we rely on my youngest son. Thank God for all 3 of them!!
ReplyDeleteFran I am happy that you have caregivers that you trust and that your son is also there for you. As you said Thank God for them, they are definitely a blessing.
DeleteMy husband, Hick, excels at being a caregiver. He was invaluable in assisting my grandma in her later years, with her meds and doctor appointments and keeping a close eye on her home health visits. He had done the same for an elderly man he'd known for years, whose daughter lived many states away. My sister, who was already retired at the time, was great at caring for my mom after she had a seizure and brain surgery, before she needed more comprehensive care. Compared to Hick and Sis, I was a lesser caregiver, but it wasn't for lack of caring.
ReplyDeleteHick is a man of many talents and I am not surprised that he is a natural caregiver. Caring is a big part of caregiving, I have seen many who did not care try to do the job of caregiving and it never works out, with that said I have a feeling that you are just as good a caregiver as Hick and Sis, simply because you care.
DeleteI was a semi-caregiver of my ex's father and grandfather once upon a time in Pearblossom CA. It can be a challenge, but very rewarding. Grandpa enjoyed going to the Adult Day Care three days a week in Lancaster where he could share memories with others his age (upper 80's). It was a nice change of pace for him since the other two days he spent alone while we worked. When I left that marriage, my ex did not make the time to take him and he quickly deteriorated and died within six months. It was very sad.
ReplyDeleteCindi I commend you for the care you gave, even something as simple as taking him to an Adult day care regularly is huge for maintaining a persons health. Thank you for being that caregiver when you could.
DeleteI wasn't really a caregiver to my dad as he needed a lot of heavy physical care and lived in a nursing home after his stroke, but I tried to make sure I visited every day to keep him company. I went with him to appointments and surgeries, did what shopping he needed done, paid his bills, helped with the sale of his home and kept relatives in the loop when he was hospitalized. Granted, I lived only fifteen minutes from the nursing home, and my only sibling lived two and a half hours away, but that sibling freely admitted that months could go by without him even thinking about our father. I found that very sad, but I could imagine that if our roles were reversed, I might have done the same. Being around my dad so much after his stroke was precisely what created the strength of the bond between us. Without seeing the humanity and needs of a person, it is easy to just not think deeply about them. But I wouldn't trade the time I spent with my father for anything. It was time-consuming and difficult at times, and took me way out of my comfort zone, but it was so worth it. I commend anyone who is an actual full-time caregiver and has a relative in their own home. It is a 24/7 "always ON" kind of job. My hat is off to you and Cindy; you are doing such a great job. Ray is a lucky man.
ReplyDeleteJust being there for someone when they need you means a lot, visiting regularly and helping out like you did is key for someone who is in a facility like this, I understand those who are not close not helping out regularly but those who live right there I feel have no excuse. Yes it is a 24/7 job when you are caring for someone in your home and most people will never understand this until they are in this situation. Thank you for understanding Jenny.
DeleteOnly to two dying dogs. Makes me depressive and miserable. I really hope I never have to do so to another human. I don't think I'm strong enough for that.
ReplyDeleteAdam our pets are just as hard to watch decline as a loved one is, they do become a big part of our families very quickly, you would be strong enough I feel if ever you find yourself having to care for someone.
DeleteIt was my pleasure to take care of Joe. He wasn't very demanding and was able to communicate which made things easier for me. No-one in my family suffered long term so it was a new experience for me.
ReplyDeleteCaring for Joe had to be both overwhelming and rewarding at the same time, someone as close as Joe was to you is very emotional to help out but at the same time you always want to be the one there for your partner.
DeleteI've never been a caregiver, my parents both died quite some time ago and lived in northern towns while I had kids and a job here in the city. I couldn't have left to care for either of them and being divorced they lived in separate towns also. I honestly don't think I could do it without losing my temper at least once a day. I'm handing out virtual Gold Stars to you and Cindy for coping so well.
ReplyDeleteThank you River your kind words and virtual gold star means the world to us! I know it is almost impossible when there is a great distance and big responsibilities right there at home, like kids! That is understandable and expected, we were in a position to jump in with our kids grown and me retired and you definitely have to weigh out your options when the time comes, sometimes there is nothing you can do...
DeleteBoth my wife Jilda and I helped care for our mothers during the years before they died.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn’t easy, but I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
We cared for Cindy's Mom up until she passed away so I understand the feelings completely that you and Jilda had caring for your mothers, there is a special place in heaven for the both of you.
DeleteYou're right Jimmy. Many don't realize what all is involved in taking care of others who are ill, particularly those who were once so fiercely independent. You used the Wednesday Words brilliantly to tell this heartfelt story, and my heart goes out to you. I was a caretaker of my mom who suffered from alcoholism and many other illnesses before she eventually took her life when I was 17. Later in life, I was a caretaker for a person who was dying from renal disease and it was rough. Still, despite the occasional frustrations, I believe that we are put here on earth to provide service to others. I don't know that many agree with me, but it is what it is. Sending some hugs to you and Cindy this Sunday morning! RO
ReplyDeleteRO I have to agree with you 100%, what good are we if we are not willing to help one another in times of need. I hate it that you had to go through all of that responsibility with your Mom at such a young age, but for her it had to be a blessing that you were there, this just shows the quality person that you are. As I mentioned to others this old world needs more people like you! Have a beautiful Sunday my friend!
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