Friday, June 18, 2010

My Path To Happiness

I am going to step back and jump into a statement I mentioned in my previous post. “Dad had remarried and his new wife was not really receptive of now having three stepchildren, our summer was miserable and I remember looking forward to getting through it so we could go back home.” Miserable may be kind of a vague word but it describes a lot for me here, this woman was not a nice person she was very young, I am talking early twenties and she had a lot of growing up to do.

My Dad worked at an American Service Station may have been Amoco but I remember American being above the pumps this would have been 1967, he worked long days so when we were not in school we were at her mercy, if there was any homework we did it immediately after getting home then made our way to stand in a corner of the room, to keep us out of trouble we had to face the wall and not make any noise or else we received a whipping from her, I was second grade and my brother was in the first, little sister was about four years old at the time so she was not real good at standing in a corner which resulted in her sitting at the kitchen table with the step mom forcing her to look at an adult magazine that featured the devil and a woman, I remember her telling Sis this is what happens to bad girls. The only thing I remember about her cooking is that she always cooked English peas and we had to eat them whether we liked them or not, none of us liked them so while Dad was at work she would cook peas and we had to sit and eat them, to this day I gag when I see a can of peas.

If there was no homework or on the days she felt nice we got to play out in the backyard or even across the alley at our friend Connie’s house, everyday was not spent in the corner but it didn’t take much to get us there, the day I mentioned in my previous post about watching the police search the neighborhood started when we slipped out of the yard and went to Connie’s, the peas were almost ready and I just knew we were going to be called in soon so we took a chance and hoped to stay gone until Dad got home because she turned into a different person when he was home, she was actually nice to us and we played and had a good time as long as Dad was around but this time she called the police to report us missing which resulted in us being trapped inside for quite a while when he was working. We never told Dad what was going on and I am not sure if he knows or not now.

This is just the tip of the iceberg and I am not sure why she was this way towards us, she could have treated us differently and I am sure we would have had fond memories rather than the nausea and hate that I feel when I think of her, I could always see her face in my mind and it actually scared me to think of her, she lived in the same town as I in New Mexico and as you know I worked for a utility company, part of my job was collections and she made the mistake of getting behind on her bill and yes I was the one who had to contact her about collecting the bill, I drove to her house seeing her face in my mind and knowing exactly what I was going to say when I saw her, I made my way up the walkway to her steps and knocked on the door, expecting this demon from my past to answer, the door opened and there she was a heavy older woman with facial hair, quite a contrast to the young attractive woman I remembered abusing us, I smiled and introduced myself stating my company’s name and that I was there to collect the bill, she said she was having a hard time and couldn’t pay and wanted to make arrangements to pay later:

Former Step Mom: Hey I think I know who you are.

Me: Nope I don’t think you do.

Former Step Mom: Your Dad is JC

Me: Yes that is my Dads name.

Former Step Mom: See I know you.

Me: Nope you never did.

This is when I turned and made my way around the house to disconnect her service. This may not be a victory but it felt kind of good for a minute.

My advise is to speak up if you are being abused because you shouldn’t have to live in fear, there are too many people who have lived in situations like this whether as a child or as a spouse it is not fair for anyone to go through this. If you are being abused it is not a reason to turn your anger on to a child, if you were abused as a child it is not a reason to abuse anyone now, get help for yourself or talk to someone and get it off your chest this way, I have done a lot of talking and at the same time I have held a lot inside but on my birthday I promised my wife Cindy and also a good friend Susie that I would not worry about things that make me sad or long for things that I can’t change, I promised to write about things that make me happy and getting this off my chest is my path to that happiness.

20 comments:

  1. See? That's the thing. Nobody should have to have any of that in their lives EVER. What is wrong with people?
    Sending you love and strength and sharing is a good way to put it our there and let it go and if it lurks back, send it out again. Care = Share. Kisses

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  2. Nice guy that you are, you even did it in a much more respectful way than she deserves. Soul searching can be a difficult, but sometimes necessary step to moving forward and letting it go. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Sad story, Jimmy.
    I'm thinking she may have been realted to my mom!

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  4. Jimmy,

    Just read both posts. That is a tragic, awful thing to go through as a child. That you became such a good man and father, without letting what you went through sour your life and make you bitter. It's a testament to your strength and character. Now with your voice, it could really change someone's life. Thank you for sharing your story. It sure made me want to be the best step mom possible.

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  5. I agree MC, Not a single person sholuld have to go through this stuff and those who have need to find a way to teach others how wrong it is, that is my hope here.

    Thank you so much for your support you are a good person.

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  6. Hey Ms A, It is much easier for me to go at it this way even when I faced her I had a lot of things planned to say but felt that my point could be made without lowering myself to her level, not sure if I made it or not but I felt better.

    The more I think of this stuff the more I remember but I suppose to move forward you have to let it go.

    Thank You for being here for me,

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  7. Hey Pat, Yes Sir we could be like Double First Step Brothers or something Ha Ha

    Seriously there are a lot of people like this out there and it sucks to be them.

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  8. Good Morning Angelia, I appreciate you my Friend, my only advise on being a step parent is to be yourself never try to replace the other parent nor talk negative about them because this only hurts the child, you will be a welcome addition to this childs life if you treat them as your own and when they lash out with "You are not my Mom" don't take it personal it's OK this too will pass and everything will be fun again.

    I think I am preaching to the choir here though :^)

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  9. POWERFUL, HONEST AND NEEDS TO BE SAID!

    WELL DONE!

    JOHN

    Sorry about my caps lock affliction!

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  10. Thank You John,

    Sometimes it needs to be yelled!!

    Caps Lock does the trick :^)

    I appreciate you my friend

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  11. Jimmy, I am so sorry you had to endure that abuse as a child. Sounds very reminiscent of what my hubby and his brother went through with their stepmom. She used to lock them out of the house when their dad left for work and not let them back in until right before he got home and they never told either.

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  12. She sounds like a peach.

    In the end, she got the life she deserved. Sorry. I believe in karma.

    For all that you've been through, you seem to have come out the other side a better man. And I agree with Ms. A... you handled it delicately... you gave her a lot more respect than she deserves. To me, that shows that you have dealt with it, and that's a positive thing.

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  13. I feel like I know this woman, my step mother was nothing to brag about either. I can totally relate to the changing of personalities after dad came home. It's wonderful that you didn't let it make you become a hard man. Mine affected me for many years. It wasn't till I was older that we finally made eace with each other.

    I love what you said to her. "Nope you never did" That just says it all right there!

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  14. Hey Peg,

    Yes it does sound exactly the same, I never could make sense of it I suppose that not understanding it keeps us from going there though.

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  15. Yes Kristy,

    Quite the peach she was Ha Ha, I am like you the Good Lord took care of her and it's not my place to get in the middled of that one.

    Thank You I appreciate your support.

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  16. Heather,

    It's funny how different they can be when the Dad comes home, scary huh

    You should have seen the look on her face when I answered her with Nope You never did, I am not sure if she understood or it just confused her, either way it worked for me :^)

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  17. WoW! Jimmy! Strange how life works, huh?

    Who knows why people behave the way they do and especially around children?

    Anyway, I am just stopping by to say Happy Father's Day to you!!! Here's to not repeating the past, but forging ahead and doing the right things.

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  18. Thank You Betty,

    I appreciate you my Friend.

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  19. Very sad, Jimmy. I think you handled your encounter with her later on with dignity and grace.

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  20. Thank You Suzicate,

    I am beginning to realize that life is no fun if you hold a grudge, it is more fun to smile and walk away with your dignity rather than becoming them.

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