Sunday, May 29, 2011

Actions Speak Loudly

Why is it that some people just seem to have a hard time controlling themselves, especially when it comes to family and situations they have no control over?

A death in the family is hard enough to deal with without losing control over your emotions, I’m not talking about the grieving part where you lose tears and cry uncontrollably, or the part where you draw deep within yourself and just sit and stare because you can find no words, nor am I speaking of the feeling of hopelessness you have while pacing the floor feeling like you should be doing something when there is nothing left to do, all of this is natural and these feelings will be there for a long time, these emotions are natural and totally expected.

What about a family member that comes out of the woodwork so to say, thinking they should step in and tell you how things should be run, even when they have not been around enough to know how your household operates, or the one who has not stepped foot on your porch in the last twenty years but now feels it is their obligation to let you know how bad they think you have taken care of your family member who is now gone, questions and comments from those who all of a sudden want to drop by and “See how you are doing” when all along you know they are only there to see what can be had.

When someone draws their last breath they should feel comfortable knowing that all is going to be good with the family they leave behind, if you are one of those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one, and just don’t really know what to do with your emotions right now I say God Bless You because this too will pass, life will go on for you just fine and your life will be blessed for keeping your loved ones memory alive.

If you are one of those who are stepping in making accusations and looking over the house to claim what you think is rightfully yours before that loved one is even cold, if you are one who thinks it proper to point fingers and disrespect those who are grieving, and if you think it is now time to make amends after a death, when they could have been made long ago.

I feel sorry for those who can’t control their greed, jealousy, and anger long enough to mourn a loss in the family, for those who take this road all I can say is Shame On You for you actions, because if you continue to live this way, you will not be happy with where you end up when you draw your last breath.


  1. So terribly sorry you are having to deal with these "unnecessary burdens" on top of the burdens you already have to bear. Isn't it ironic, what comes out of the woodwork! It's a shame you can't find a good pesticide to take care of it.

  2. Well said Jimmy. I remember those types when I had to bury my parents and unfortunately they were my siblings...I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It only serves to cause more pain and distance. Blessing to you as you grieve and may many wonderful memories help to heal your heart. take care..;j

  3. I can't imagine being that kind of person. My grandma wanted us to put post-it notes on the stuff we wanted when she's gone... I don't even want to think about that. I think I may be one of the few in my family that didn't do it. I'm sorry you had to deal with them while you were grieving. (Ms. A... you crack me up, I love it!)

  4. Oh Jimmy, that is downright rotten that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. I really, really dread when my in-laws go. Husband comes from a big family and some of the siblings are just as you describe.

  5. Common in most families, I should think. Certainly in mine. I tried to make excuses but somehow the excuses didn't fit the personalities. Valerie (needing to post under blog title because of Blogger problems)

  6. Well I think this is the norm in every family... maybe stronger in some than others...but it is part of human nature! It's hard when your at the wrong end of it...but it too will pass... and YOU will be the better one for it!

  7. "questions and comments from those who all of a sudden want to drop by and “See how you are doing” when all along you know they are only there to see what can be had."

    Yup, that's exactly what happened after my grandmother passed away and it was totally shocking to me. I was able to view "certain" family members true colors at the time. And let's just say, I no longer associate with them at all.

    "I can say is Shame On You for you actions, because if you continue to live this way, you will not be happy with where you end up when you draw your last breath."

    You said it, Jimmy!

    Just know that I'm sharing much 'good energy' with you and Cindy during this time of grief.

    X to you both.

  8. There will always be cold, cruel and insensitive people in this world. Lord knows my family has them. You can't change them. I distanced myself from them. They breed too much negative energy for good people such as yourself to be around. Know what's right in your heart and that you gave all the best you had to give.

  9. Thank You Everyone,

    You are all so right, it seems we all have these types in our families and it is best to distance ourselves and know in our hearts what is right for ourselves.

    We have to forgive them for their actions but never forget because if the situation ever comes up again they will do the same thing once again, and their actions will only get to us if we allow them to.

  10. My ex-boss's dad died almost two years ago, but in the weeks leading up to his death my boss was a wreck. His sister, who had never stepped in to help with their parents before, would call him at work screaming about how terrible he was and that it was his fault and so on and so forth. I felt so bad for him. Then after his dad died his mom had a stroke and his sister started calling again. Ug.

  11. so sorry to hear this hugs

  12. Oh, Jimmy! I so feel you right now! I just went through the same thing with my brother's death and certain relatives showing their true colors. It's a crying shame that death seems to bring out the very worst in some people. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray for you and Cindy and the rest of your family. I hope things look up soon. ((((Jimmy & Cindy}}}}

  13. Oh, Jimmy, so sorry you are going through this. As Peg stated we went through and are still "hearing from the peanut gallery". Death seems to bring out the true character of people. You find they're either loving or compassionate or self centered and greedy. Lifting you and Cindy and the family situation up.

  14. There is nothing like a funeral to bring out the worst in people, that's for sure. I'm sorry you are having to deal with it, but know that you are not alone- it happens in ALL families. Just keep your head up high, because you know (as do all of us) that you did your best by her and those folks did not. They will get theirs in the end.


  15. Hey Jimmy
    I haven't been around for a while and see that I have some catching up to do here. I'm sorry to hear about this. It seems like these things bring the best out of some and the worst out of others. Family dynamics are a strange thing...
    Hang in there buddy!

  16. Hi Jimmy!

    Just wanted to stop by and say Hi to you and Cindy.

    Hope all is well. Miss ya, buddy!

    Have a great weekend!

  17. my mom and dad died last year . mom died,
    we told dad and he refused to eat or drink.
    i gave him one drink of water . 12 days later
    he died . a lot of their personal stuff went
    missing , things like mama's flour sifter . a
    lard can that she kepted her flour in . just
    personal things . who got them ,i know , but
    i wish no ill will on them .


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