Dad Said A Bad Word

I love telling stories about my family and my Dad is one I most likely have a million about. My wife, Cindy, and he have had a few practical jokes bounce between them over the years. When she and I were first married, they started giving each other a hard time even though they had never met face to face. They had been talking on the phone since we married about who was better than the other and which one was going to “Get” the other first.

We were living in New Mexico at the time and took a trip to South Carolina so Cindy could meet everyone. Just as we were driving into the town my Dad lives, he calls to see if we were close. Cindy tells him we are somewhere in North Carolina. We were actually on his street, She hands me the phone begging me to play along.

We are now sitting in his driveway and I find myself saying that we had some car trouble in Cherokee, NC, and we were going to need some repairs once we got there. This was not actually a lie as the rotors were warped and we were planning a brake job the next day.

While I am talking to him, Cindy goes to the door and knocks. I see her go inside while I am still talking. My Dad was sitting on the back door steps and Cindy is going through the house begging everyone to keep quiet. I want you to know that at this point she had not met anyone face to face. She goes out the back door and leans down to my Dad’s ear and whispers “Can I Talk To Jimmy.” I hear the phone fall and realize that my call had suddenly been dropped.

My Step Mom says that he turned to look at Cindy as she leaned close and said “Gotcha.” He replied, “I’m gonna kick your a$$” for the next couple hours. This was all the man could say. Anytime anyone said anything he looked at Cindy and said, “I’m gonna kick your a$$.”

We planned to take the kids to Six Flags Over Georgia in Atlanta, Dad thought this was a good idea and said he would like to go along. On the way we made a plan to pick one of the Roller Coasters, and for everyone to ride at the same time.

The lineup was that I would ride with Tim because he was pretty small and I could protect him, Melissa would ride with Randy because they were both tough and could protect each other, and Cindy would ride with Dad so he too would be protected.

“The Georgia Cyclone” was the choice. We were all excited to ride this old wooden roller coaster, and the ride was quite intense as it about beat me to death. This was just on the initial climb before we were released to suffer/enjoy the thrill that is “The Georgia Cyclone.”

Our daughter Melissa said we were exaggerating how rough it was while we stood in line for the pictures, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words and those pictures showed the skin on our faces stretched all the way around to the back of our heads so I feel we were not exaggerating.

My Dad suggested going home and headed toward the parking lot. This was only our first ride and Cindy goes after him with the promise that the next ride will be slower. We will ride one where we can all sit back and relax. A slow ride down the river just to recuperate from the roller coaster she tells him and also promises that he “shouldn’t get too wet.” I see you are thinking that he should have known better right there.

“Thunder River” was the choice she made. You know the ride with the large tube where the seats all face inward. Half of the seats are wet and the other half are not, so Dad picks himself the dry seat and grins, as Cindy and I have to sit in a wet one.

The ride started off calm until we hit the rapids. A big splash of water went right over both Cindy’s and my head hitting Dad right square in the face, and here comes the line he made us familiar with earlier “I’m going to kick your a$$.” Cindy, through her laughter, tells him it’s a fluke and he shouldn’t get any wetter than he is now.

OK, now we are hitting the rapids, and when he missed the next drenching, he is smiling. The river slows to a relaxing pace and he is trying his best to get the water off of his glasses from the first splash. All of a sudden, there is a rock formation with water flowing over it. We are now looking at a small waterfall. Dad is eyeing this and breaks into a grin as Cindy and I are traveling backwards right towards it. He is almost laughing at this point.

Then his whole expression changed as the tube stops and makes a 180 placing the water falling right on top of his head. Sad thing is he was still wiping his glasses when the tube emerged out of the waterfall. He never looked up and you know exactly what he said. Yes, Dad said a bad word, and this was the last theme park trip he made with us, and to this day we get the same answer when we invite him to come along “I’m gonna kick your a$$.”


Submitted to the Dude Write Starting Lineup