Thursday, April 13, 2017

Get on with your life

Divorce, now this is a hard subject and one many of us have been through, there are always reasons, sometimes good and others bad, but for the sake of this post I don't want to point fingers, there is always enough blame to go around, with that said, you really can survive divorce.

I loaded up the back of my truck with my clothes, tool boxes, a few rifles that I had accumulated over the years, the plates and silverware that we used for camping, and my stereo from the garage.

I walked into the empty two bedroom apartment that I rented, and hung my clothes into the upstairs bedroom closet, I had simply lifted them out of the closet, hangers and all so this exchange was pretty easy, sad thing was everything else I had went right into this same closet.

I locked the door and began a walk of about three miles to the house that I used to live in to pick up my motorcycle, sitting on the floor with my stereo installed on one side of the room, and me on the other with a fast food bag and a fountain coke, listening to music echo throughout the empty space until morning.

I continued living like this, sleeping on the floor and slowly adding bits and pieces of yard sale furniture, until I actually got the place furnished and the echo went away, I began cooking a few meals but found it easier to go down to a local restaurant, Kripple Creek for supper, this way I was at least talking to someone.

I really didn't know what to do, I didn't want to see anyone and I sure didn't want to discuss my feelings, I sat around by myself at night and just listened to music until morning, I was hardly sleeping and about the only time I was eating was when I went down to Kripple Creek, "Get on with your life Jimmy" was about the only words of encouragement I got.

I was walking through the front office of the utility company where I worked when I heard my name called, it was a friend that had gone through a divorce herself the year prior, she said "hey Jimmy, we are going out dancing tonight, why don't you join us" I said that I would think about it, but not wanting to be a third wheel I never went.

Baseball season had started and I found myself going to watch my boys play, I never sat in the stands it was easier for me to stand to the back and watch, I could see both fields this way, Tim the son of a friend would stand with me when he wasn't playing, I always liked this kid.

When the game was over I walked Tim back to where his mom was sitting in the stands, look who I found I said as I walked up, she laughed and said yeah I saw him hanging out with you, at least I knew he wasn't getting into trouble, "Hey Jimmy, we are going to grab a bite to eat after this, why don't you join us"

I never showed up, but continued going to the games and watching them with my friend Tim, until one night when I walked him back to his mom, with a concerned look on her face Cindy looked at me and asked, how are you doing Jimmy?

She asked if I was seeing anybody to which I said no, I asked who she was dating only to find out she was with no one whatsoever......

My life started over when she handed me the slip of paper with her number on it.

It took me nearly a year to realize the love of my life was actually there all along, it's hard not to withdraw into yourself and to take the blame for everything, being lonely and depressed was my biggest enemy, it was like I was the only person going through this, when in reality had I simply accepted the offer to go dancing a half year earlier, would I have noticed how similar our lives really were.

Twenty years later, I am glad she gave me her number.

20 comments:

  1. Wow, Jimmy! That's a great story of how you two met!

    I'm always sad for those who go through divorce, especially when children are involved. It's a tough road. I'm so glad your road had a happy ending!

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    1. Thank you Bijoux, it is rough on everyone especially the kids, Cindy and I joke that we will never divorce because it is too hard, if it ever gets to that point we will just stay together in spite of each other.

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  2. Been there twice. Being alone and feeling like a failure is brutal then you meet someone and I thank the ex's for throwing me out. I am happy, I think they are just miserable with someone new, and either way I don't care...well actually I prefer if they are miserable.

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    1. Nice post, feels good getting it out doesn't it. Glad you met the right one!

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    2. Thank you Joe, being alone and feeling like a failure is exactly how I felt, yes sir you are right when you find the right person you do want to thank the ex for dumping you, and it does feel good to get past it all.

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  3. I've been fortunate. I've been married to the same woman since May of 1974. I'm not sure how I would cope if I were to divorce. I know things are different now. When I was younger, I was thin and had hair.
    I'm glad you found happiness. Everyone deserves that.

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    1. Congratulations on your marriage Rick, it sounds like you found the right person to begin with, that is something to be proud of.

      Everyone does deserve happiness and I definitely feel blessed, Thank you Rick

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  4. Jimmy what a beautifully written post about how you and Cindy met! Bravo! And you know, even though I have never met you both over these past years, I have always felt that you are a perfect match and were meant to be with each other.

    Divorce (and breakups) are not easy, are they? You're right, they leave you with an apprehension to not get on with your life and mingle again.

    Thank you for sharing this story, buddy.

    Wishing you and Cindy a Happy Easter!

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    1. Hey Ron, Thank you Sir I do appreciate you my friend.

      Yes divorce and breakups are indeed very hard, and people going through it really need someone to lean on because depression can easily take over.

      Happy Easter to you Buddy

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  5. My parents divorced when I was nine and it was one of the worst times in my life. It was even worse for my younger siblings. Leaving out abuse and abandonment as the reasons for divorce, it's weird to see a relationship just fall apart as it did for my parents. There's plenty of easy cliques to describe the situation like, "they just grew apart" or "they fell out of love" but when you're in the maelstrom such simple explanations never make any sense.

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    1. You are so right divorce is hardest on the children, they are always there to hear each parent talk bad about the other and they sometimes feel that it is all their fault and try in vain to fix it.

      I have been on both sides of the coin, having been there when my parents split and going through my own, both are bad places to be but seeing the looks on my childrens faces and remembering my own experience, the children are the ones who suffer the most.

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  6. When I divorced and rented my apartment, I left the house with a couple of trash bags of clothes, the TV from the bedroom and my computer so I've definitely been there for that.

    I ended up marrying a girl I went to Jr high with but never talked to. We friended each other on Facebook because we went to school together and start chatting and it went from there. We've been married now for 7 years but we've had discussions on how it would have been nice if we had met and dated back in school instead of 20 years later. Truth be told, and we both agree, we wouldn't have liked each other back then. It took the positives and the negatives of our lives to break each of us down to who we are now and we are now perfect for each other. So while your first marriage didn't last and you felt like a failure, it might of had to be to become the man you were when you met your current wife.

    Obviously I don't know your situation, but that's how it was for us. As much as I can't stand my ex now, I look at the 14 years I was married to her as an education that has lead to the great relationship I have with my current wife.

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    1. What you described mirrors mine a whole lot, it appears we were both in the same place.

      I like the way you described your first marriage as an education to a great relationship for your second, well said Jeff, also like Cindy and I have discussed that we should have married each other first, but as you said we wouldn't have been the same person then as we were when we did marry.

      It's good to see you Jeff

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  7. To paraphrase a line from "The Fourposter", "I've been married for 62 years & I've never once thought of divorce. Murder, yes. Divorce, never!!"

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    1. Oh yes I think this is a common thought in a healthy relationship, I have heard Cindy say "I'm going to kill you" nearly as much as "I love you"

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  8. A very moving true life story, Jimmy. Your eventual happiness rang out as I read it. My first and only divorce was after six difficult years and I vowed I would never marry again. Alone for thirteen years, I eventually married Joe and stayed happy for almost forty years. Happiness does come eventually.

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    1. Yes Valerie happiness does come, and it was definitely there for you and Joe, anyone who knows you could see that.

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  9. "being lonely and depressed was my biggest enemy" - your emotional state really came out in this post. So glad for the happy ending!

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    1. Thank you Abby, I am definitely happy where my life is now, like Jeff said it appears we sometimes have to go through the hard times to make us the person who can nurture a healthy relationship.

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  10. With my first marriage, the kids found out things he'd been up to long before I did, and when I divorced him after finding out all the kids said "It's about time".
    Second divorce happened because I realised what a huge mistake I'd made getting married to a man I barely knew.

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