Thursday, January 27, 2011

No Answers

They loaded everything they owned into the back of the car and drove off into the sunset, leaving the town they had raised the kids in and moving across country, this was both an exciting and sad thing at the same time, it’s easy to jump up and go help out when a loved one cries for help, and it is also easy to be brought to tears at the realization of leaving life as you know it behind.

We are going to make new friends and get a chance to spend some time with people we have not seen in a while she reassured him, yes I know he said, this is going to be a good change, a day and a half later they pulled into the driveway of the house they would call home now.

Moving into someone’s home to help them out looks good on the surface, and with the state of the economy it is a smart thing combining two households..Right? Medical bills and chronic conditions keep them tied to the house, and a couple years later those new friends have still not been found, we will find a good church and start going on Sunday he told her, she smiled because it sounded like a good idea, but getting away is easier said than done.

Anger and tension directed toward them makes the days seem endless, she cries and blames herself for leaving the kids behind, even though they are all grown, and with new additions to the family she feels that moving may have not been such a good idea after all, he sits back and stares blankly at the mountains because words unsaid are better sometimes than the ones he may be thinking, because in the back of his mind he knows there is no answer.

Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease and it affects more than just the person diagnosed, the one diagnosed will lash out at the loved ones who are there to help, accusing them of only being there to take everything away, and the spouse will stand right there and do everything in their power to keep the memory from slipping away from the one they love, even if it includes lashing out at the ones there to help also.

He’s trying to kill me, I hate you, you SOB, you ain’t no good, look at what you have done to me, why are they here, make them move out, It’s my GD house not yours, are common phrases that lead them to lock their bedroom door at night, waking in the morning light is not filled with a warm hug and a kiss good morning, but a glance into each others faces waiting for the sound coming from the kitchen, will it be laughter or a hissy fit this morning?

As I said before I have no answer, once you pack up and dispose of everything you own there is no going back, sitting in a place where you have nowhere to go, kind of sets the mood for a bit of depression, but you chose this road and the question is, do you continue fighting the fight and help out where you promised, in spite of the accusations and frustration, or do you pack everything into the car and drive into the direction you came only to wish you hadn’t.


  1. You're absolutely right Jimmy, this is a very difficult answer.

    My mother went through this with her father and like you shared, Alzheimer’s affects more than just the person diagnosed. It affects all those around them. Eventually, she had to place him in a very good facility that could take of him 24/7. It was so tough for her to make that decision, but it ended up being the best choice.

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this right now, I had no idea. Just know that I'll be sending prayers your way, okay?

    Love to you and Cindy.

  2. I have not had any of this in my family, but one of my best friend's wife is suffering from it right now. I'm sure that there is very little in life that is more stressful than taking care of a stricken family member. It's so sad to see it. I can't imagine living it...
    A good post and some good writing Jimmy...

  3. Wow. Tough one. SO hard and yet the answer would seem simple when you are the person you are.
    Human nature is hard....and when we reach out to assist in it we get struck down sometimes one too many times.
    But our hearts tell us what's right- and we stay. Even when all of our heads say run for the hills....or in this case- home.
    If this is your scenario right now Jimmy....hugs to the both of you.
    Incredible....that tough love!

  4. I am so sorry you are going through this. My oldest works in a nursing home/asst. living center and tells us a lot of the same stories. Fortunately, she's not related to them, so their words are not hurtful to her.

  5. This is such a cruel disease. Like you said, it affects those around the person. I don't know if this is going on in your life now or just your writing but it's not easy to know what's right or wrong in that position. Makes me sad.

  6. Thank You All, We will be here and everything will go as God's plans decide. Sitting on the porch right now drinking coffee, A good morning thus far, actually figured out how to blog on my Kindle ;^)

    Yes Alzheimers is very cruel and even worse when it's a loved one you are watching decline into it's grasp.

    This is our life now and running is not an option as you all know, I am thankful for your views as it does help both Cindy and I.

  7. i don't have the answer for you either, but this is a very real and beautiful post. totally from the heart.

  8. Wow. I had no idea you were going through something like this Jimmy. My heart goes out to you and Cindy. You are both wonderful brave and strong people to have set yourself on this course. And whether they can realize it or not, they are truly lucky to have you both there. I can only hope that your committment will be rewarded somewhere down the line. My grandmother had severe dementia in the months before she passed. She often didn't recognize people and there were those temper outbursts and worse yet, the pleading to take her home. And I didn't have to deal with it 24/7 the way you are. You are both in my thoughts. Stay strong. You are lucky to have each other in this situation because you are both such strong and loving people. Hang in there together.

    Much love,

  9. Hey Karal, Good to see you my friend, it's been too long.

    Thank you so much, it is difficult but there is no answer.

  10. Spot, I know what you are saying about your Grandmother, the anger and frustration they feel is something no one should have to suffer and this condition seems to be one of the cruelest.

    Thank You my friend I have missed seeing you also.


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