Too Stupid To Fall For It

Melissa and Kevin came up to visit this weekend and while sitting around enjoying stories about her youth we got the familiar “How many times are you going to tell this story” statement from her, so with this said let’s talk about Melissa.

There were always pranks and challenges going on in our house, I told you about some of them in Who Is The Woman Now, but this post was just the tip of the iceberg so to say.

Melissa was interested in psychology and forensics, I had told you before that she did a lot of studying on serial killers in hopes to add to her career interest in forensic psychology, so with her vast knowledge of forensics and such she came to us with a test one day, a challenge I suppose you could say, she began by telling us that if she were ever kidnapped that she could escape with no problem, she and a girlfriend had been practicing and had it all figured out, she asked for me to take my best shot at taping her up and she would escape before we knew it.

I went to the garage and got myself a roll of duct tape, I taped her hands behind her back, sat her on the floor and taped her ankles together, to top it off and to slow down the instructions of how I was doing it wrong I just had to place one more strip of tape across her mouth, she nodded that all was well when I asked, so Cindy and I went out to the porch to enjoy the peace and quiet that was suddenly in our home, a few minutes later we opened the door to see her struggling to get free, Cindy asked if she was OK, she nodded and we went back outside, a few minutes later we went back in, Melissa is looking really frustrated now so I offered to remove the tape, she shook her head no, she was not ready to give up.

Half an hour later she is still fighting and refusing for us to set her free, I’m getting a bit worried now and offer to take the tape off, she still refused, forty five minutes later her answer to “Have you had enough” was the shake of her head saying that she had not, after an hour we really made her mad by setting her free, she assured us that she would have been able to escape had we not removed the tape, her record was less than ten minutes when they had practiced before, I had to ask what kind of tape they used and she said that they always used Masking Tape, I smiled when I told her that I had forgotten that Masking tape was the common tape used by kidnappers.

One evening we made the mistake of leaving Melissa home alone while we went to a friends house, part way through the evening Melissa called asking when we were coming home, we thought this strange, thinking her calling just to ask being so out of character, so like smart parents we cut the evening short and headed home.

Walking up the front steps I noticed all the lights in the house were on, the front door was locked so I unlocked the door and opened it to find a reddish brown mess smeared down the walls, the coffee table was laying on it’s side and all the things that were on it stacked neatly in front of it, Melissa was laying on the floor with what appeared to be blood all over her chest and running down her arm, all the way to the telephone that we had replaced for a new one quite a while back, it lay in her bloody hand, I walked in and stepped over her and continued walking toward the kitchen, as I stepped over her I said “Get up and clean up this mess” she sprang to her feet and yelled “Oh my God you are too stupid to fall for it”

Sometimes it’s good to be a stupid parent, I sat there and stupidly smiled as she cleaned the mess from the walls, and I got a good laugh when I went to carry out the trash and yelled for Melissa to come and open the door for me, she grabbed the doorknob and jerked her hand away filled with the combination of whatever she used to make fake blood sticking to her hand, I didn’t say a word but was glad I was too stupid to have noticed that mess on the knob.