At The Tone Press…

Don’t you just love filling out paperwork, especially when it comes down to insurance companies and doctors, either one by themselves can be confusing, but get them together and it’s a whole new ball game with no one knowing the score.

I get this little form once a year for my Doctor to fill out, saying that my condition is exactly the same and has not changed, the insurance company requires this form each year since I retired disabled, how long are we going to do this I asked? It appears that I get this pleasure for about twenty more years, as long as I am still retired and/or disabled, now since I retired disabled I don’t think the company is going to call up and say “Hey Jimmy why don’t you come back to work” and my Doctor says that I need to get used to this disability thing, so it appears he has gotten himself at least twenty more of these forms to fill out.

Back in November I received the form and filled out my part, took his part to him and it was placed into my file, the Doctor was going to fill it out and call me the next day to come and pick it up, next day we call and it wasn’t ready, so we call back later in the day and the nurse informs me that it had been filled out, but rather than wait for us to come and pick it up, she dropped it in the mail to us, and faxed a copy to the insurance company, a win/win I am thinking, but yet you know better…right.

Today I get a letter from the insurance company with the term “Third Request” written boldly across the top, good thing the nurse actually mailed me a copy, so I will place it in the mail as it should have been back in November, but first I will call the insurance company and explain my situation.

I dialed the 800 number and had Mrs. Computer answer, in a long drawn out monotone voice that shoots right through your head, a list of options are given and I miss everyone of them, half were in other languages and I do remember the first one had the word claim in it, at the end I was told by Mrs. Computer to either say or press the number I wanted so rather than listen again I just pressed one, now I got another menu sending me down another road, I don’t like lists of options I just want to talk to someone, I learned a long time ago, if in doubt just say “Operator” so I did.

The computer hesitates and the monotone voice came across a bit agitated saying “You are requesting to speak with Customer Service, say yes or no” I said that’s right, a bit louder the computer repeated the request, but I swear it slowed down when it said “Say Yeeeesssssss or Nooooo” so I said Yesssss, to speed up the process please either say or enter your social security number or claim number, now I may have been born on the weekend but it wasn’t last weekend so I repeated “Operator”, we must have either your Social Security Number or Claim number to speed up the process, this process was going on fifteen minutes now so I played along, I punched in my claim number which looks like an automobile VIN number, the agitated computer comes back and informs me that this was not a valid number and again asks for my Social, I simply repeated “Operator”, I thought I heard a disgusted sigh, and was told, please hold and I will connect you.

Good Afternoon “It’s A Bright Sunshiny Day” Insurance Company this is Susanna how may I help you, I said, you know something, I sure miss the day when a real person answered the phone, she laughed and confirmed she did also, and said let me have your claim number, I told her that the computer did not recognize the number and she laughed again and said she wasn’t surprised, I gave her my VIN/claim number, she hesitated, then said I see why your number wasn’t recognized, this is the disability department and you need to talk to the claim department, I said but I did call the phone number listed on my form, she said that is correct, we have the same number let me transfer you to that department, she rattled off a page of required disclaimer information that I have no idea what she was talking about and I heard a loud Beep Beep.

Good Afternoon this is “It’s A Bright Sunshiny Day” Insurance Company, our business hours are from 8:30AM to 5:00PM Eastern Time Monday through Friday, at the sound of the tone listen to the list of options required for you to reach the person you want to leave a voice mail for, please input your claim number…

I had been on the phone for what seemed forty-five minutes and the time now was about five minutes after five eastern. Did I input any numbers or listen to any options required to leave a voice mail, nope I am now sealing an envelope and snail mail will just have to do the job, it’ll most likely get there long before I get past the computer voice.