Monday, February 28, 2011

Farmer Bob

The story you are about to read is true, some of the names may or may not have been changed to protect the innocent, as nothing innocent was going on within this story, some of the events may have been exaggerated, but for the most part are as true as you can expect them to be, so with this disclaimer stated let me tell you about Farmer Bob.

Walking out the back door to feed the livestock everyday was a job that Cindy’s cousin Bob actually liked doing, the chickens running around free ranging in back forty, kept the yard free from any bugs or unwanted insects, so just a handful of scratch was enough feed to keep them happy and laying enough eggs to feed the family.

Bob’s Dad had accumulated a couple of turkeys with the intention of fattening them up for Thanksgiving; the totally original name of Tom was given to the male gobbler, this was the first time Tom was used when referring to a turkey, I can see it now;

Bob: Hey Dad what do you call the boy turkey?

Dad: That son is a Gobbler; you don’t want to give him a name because he will be dinner one day.

Bob: OK Dad but what exactly do you call it, like a boy chicken is a rooster, is a boy turkey a rooster too?

Dad: No son it is just a gobbler, don’t want to give him a name.

Bob: So it’s not a turkey rooster then?

Dad: No it’s not a rooster!

Bob: But it is a boy right, so why is it not a rooster?

Dad: Hell son just call him Tom.

So with that the turkey was called Tom, and since then the name Tom has stuck for the common name of a male turkey, although this has not been verified as complete truth it is so for this story.

During the daily feedings Bob found himself getting close to the birds, he got to where he was spending a lot of time petting the chickens, and next thing he knew he began petting Petunia also, not really sure why they called the female turkey Petunia as this name did not stick for a female turkey but it works for this story.

Petunia really began to look forward to Bob coming out each day, she would sneak off while Tom was not looking to wait for Bob’s arrival, then it happened one day, Bob knelt down and gave Petunia a hug, now behind Toms back Petunia was laying her head on Bob’s shoulder each day, the chickens were no longer getting scratched but Petunia was.

Tom began to catch on and began challenging Bob when he came out pretending to feed the chickens, Petunia looked at Bob from behind Toms wide spread feathers and vowed that they would be together again soon.

Cindy was visiting her cousin Bob one day when she looked out the back door to see he and Petunia snuggling close in the back yard, she called for Bob and he sprang to his feet pretending to feed the chickens, with a red face he walked toward Cindy, all of a sudden he noticed the wide eyed look of fear appear on Cindy’s face, he turned to look behind just in time to see Tom dive bombing him like a kamikaze pilot.
Cindy was laughing too hard to help as Bobs red flannel shirt was ripped to threads, laying face down on the ground as the Tom turkey bounced on his backside, Bob vowed that the relationship with Petunia was over, he never hugged a turkey again, and Tom didn’t make it to Thanksgiving as he was featured at Sunday dinner after his "unprovoked attack".

Moral of the story: Never sneak around the back yard looking for love in all the wrong places as true love will not be found there, any turkey will protect his Petunia with his life, especially when he sees a strange farmers arm around her waist, and telling your cousin a story just may get exaggerated and repeated when you least expect it.

Your welcome Bob.

13 comments:

  1. hehahehaahe....oh man! Do you have a book going?
    Very good moral to the story;))

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  2. Hey Dawn, I keep thinking that maybe I should :^)

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  3. "Moral of the story: Never sneak around the back yard looking for love in all the wrong places as true love will not be found there.."

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!

    Bwhahahahahahahahahhahah!

    OMG Jimmy, I laughed so hard at that last paragraph I was HOWLING!

    HILARIOUS story!

    "Cindy was laughing too hard to help as Bobs red flannel shirt was ripped to threads, laying face down on the ground as the Tom turkey bounced on his backside."

    Please tell Cindy that I would have been laughing too!

    Thanks for the great laugh, buddy!

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  4. Oh man! That is just too darn funny!
    And a good moral to the story...

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  5. TEARS IN MY EYES from laughing so hard!

    Just simply Beautiful...!

    J

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  6. 'he turned to look behind just in time to see Tom dive bombing him like a kamikaze pilot'

    Poor Bob. The moral here is never mess with a turkey called Tom.

    Enjoyed a good laugh as I read your story. Thank you so much.

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  7. What a fun and light story. Perfect!

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  8. oh my what a story to cute see should be careful who you go hugging on

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  9. I found this story to be very realistic. Turkeys are mean birds. My daughter was bit by one at a farm/park once when she was little. She still remembers the unfortunate incident!

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  10. Hey Ron, Glad you enjoyed it Buddy, this is one I was proud to not have been there to see, the fun was sitting and listening to Cindy and Bob talk about it Ha Ha

    Pat, Thank You Sir, a good story always needs a moral in most cases :^)

    Hey John, I was about crying too when I heard it the first time :^)

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  11. Valerie, I suppose another moral would be to never turn your back on Tom. Glad you got a good laugh my friend.

    Thank You Barb.

    Yes Becca, Gotta pick your hugging partners with care :^)

    Hey Bijoux, The sad thing is this story is true, I just put a spin on it for laughs, it is scary to watch a turkey attack like this, another that is scary is a goose.

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  12. lol lol lol.....poor Tom....hey,I handed over the Stylish Blogger Award to you...would be great if you accepted it.

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  13. Thank You so much my friend, I was just over at your place and saw what you had done and I appreciate you :)

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