Saturday, March 5, 2011

Too Stupid To Fall For It

Melissa and Kevin came up to visit this weekend and while sitting around enjoying stories about her youth we got the familiar “How many times are you going to tell this story” statement from her, so with this said let’s talk about Melissa.

There were always pranks and challenges going on in our house, I told you about some of them in Who Is The Woman Now, but this post was just the tip of the iceberg so to say.

Melissa was interested in psychology and forensics, I had told you before that she did a lot of studying on serial killers in hopes to add to her career interest in forensic psychology, so with her vast knowledge of forensics and such she came to us with a test one day, a challenge I suppose you could say, she began by telling us that if she were ever kidnapped that she could escape with no problem, she and a girlfriend had been practicing and had it all figured out, she asked for me to take my best shot at taping her up and she would escape before we knew it.

I went to the garage and got myself a roll of duct tape, I taped her hands behind her back, sat her on the floor and taped her ankles together, to top it off and to slow down the instructions of how I was doing it wrong I just had to place one more strip of tape across her mouth, she nodded that all was well when I asked, so Cindy and I went out to the porch to enjoy the peace and quiet that was suddenly in our home, a few minutes later we opened the door to see her struggling to get free, Cindy asked if she was OK, she nodded and we went back outside, a few minutes later we went back in, Melissa is looking really frustrated now so I offered to remove the tape, she shook her head no, she was not ready to give up.

Half an hour later she is still fighting and refusing for us to set her free, I’m getting a bit worried now and offer to take the tape off, she still refused, forty five minutes later her answer to “Have you had enough” was the shake of her head saying that she had not, after an hour we really made her mad by setting her free, she assured us that she would have been able to escape had we not removed the tape, her record was less than ten minutes when they had practiced before, I had to ask what kind of tape they used and she said that they always used Masking Tape, I smiled when I told her that I had forgotten that Masking tape was the common tape used by kidnappers.

One evening we made the mistake of leaving Melissa home alone while we went to a friends house, part way through the evening Melissa called asking when we were coming home, we thought this strange, thinking her calling just to ask being so out of character, so like smart parents we cut the evening short and headed home.

Walking up the front steps I noticed all the lights in the house were on, the front door was locked so I unlocked the door and opened it to find a reddish brown mess smeared down the walls, the coffee table was laying on it’s side and all the things that were on it stacked neatly in front of it, Melissa was laying on the floor with what appeared to be blood all over her chest and running down her arm, all the way to the telephone that we had replaced for a new one quite a while back, it lay in her bloody hand, I walked in and stepped over her and continued walking toward the kitchen, as I stepped over her I said “Get up and clean up this mess” she sprang to her feet and yelled “Oh my God you are too stupid to fall for it”

Sometimes it’s good to be a stupid parent, I sat there and stupidly smiled as she cleaned the mess from the walls, and I got a good laugh when I went to carry out the trash and yelled for Melissa to come and open the door for me, she grabbed the doorknob and jerked her hand away filled with the combination of whatever she used to make fake blood sticking to her hand, I didn’t say a word but was glad I was too stupid to have noticed that mess on the knob.


  1. All I can say is Melissa is a very brave girl. No way would I want to be taped up like that, I get claustrophobic just thinking about it. Going now to dispose of our masking tape just in cse....

  2. Bahahahahhahaha!!!!! HAHAHA....Oh boy...too funny:)

    She IS very brave.....and you are very NOT stupid!
    Me on the other hand...would have fainted away at her "set-up". Good for you;))
    (Never would have allowed myself to be taped either. I would have stopped breathing in that case too!)

  3. What the heck?? That is too funny, Jimmy!!! I have no idea if I would have fallen for that, but I definitely would have been mad about the mess!

  4. Tears streaming down my face! No--not from the story--My Pepper Spray went off, as I have been watching too many shows from ALASKA!! Have they taken over??

    GREAT, GREAT Story Bro--LMBO!!!! Seriously!


  5. This was just too funny. What a creative kid you have there. And we all know about my post on duct tape and my boobs. It's an invention up there with the wheel.

  6. Bwhahahahahahhahhahahaha!


    Please tell Melissa I said BRAVA for her brilliant effort to freak you guys out, because that's something "I" would have tried as a kid.

    I was forever attempting to freak my parents out by doing dramatic stuff like that. Eventually, they just started ignoring me - HA!

    Fun story, buddy!

  7. Valerie, Melissa is not one to back down from anything it seems, I wouldn’t want to be an actual kidnapper attempting to take her as I truly believe she would have him tied up instead Ha Ha

    Hey Chief, What you can’t do with Duct Tape you can with WD-40 :^)

    Dawn, I figured when she challenged me to tape her up that she would back out before I started, but knowing her she did actually think she could escape, I bet she has a better plan now :^)

  8. Hey Bijoux, The mess she had to clean up, the only spot she missed was the door knob which I tricked her right back into Ha Ha

    Thank You John, I am going to watch out for the pepper spray, and Alaska shows too, glad you enjoyed the story now go and wash out your eyes my Friend Ha Ha

    Barb, You are so right in that she is a creative kid, we have to keep thinking when she speaks because it seems she has a plan for every move she makes, that is a good thing :^)

    Yep Duct Tape had to come along right with the wheel.

    Hey Ron, The things kids try on you is amazing Ha Ha, I could probably write a book on things they have done, gotta love them though.

  9. OMG I hope it wasn't realistic looking, I would be PISSED if I came home to that and thought something had actually happened!!

  10. That was too funny! A great post! Never a dull moment there I guess...
    My granddaughter goes to great lengths to scare me as I walk into a room. she's done it so many times that I don't even react now.

  11. Hey Becca, Thank you she has always kept us on our toes :)

    CB, She put a lot of effort into staging this scene, only problem was it looked staged Ha Ha, it was a mess she enjoyed making more so than cleaning up.

    Thank You Pat, Granddaughter is going to keep you busy it appears :)

  12. I adore that girl! What a piece of work she is! Wow!

  13. Linda, She is a keeper, especially when duct taped Ha Ha


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