Hot or Mild Review

On our last trip to see my Doctor, we passed by Mr. Taco. This restaurant appeared out of nowhere one day when we made a trip into the "Big City", actually meaning that we had never noticed it before.

Mr. Taco sign we parked next to it

It appeared to be a Hispanic bar/taco joint with a lot of outside seating, the side of the building is covered with large signs advertising various Mexican beers, and others displaying different food specials. They were really busy every time we passed by and I always joked that we should try it someday, basically since it doesn't look like a place Cindy would choose, I told her that some of the best food that I have ever eaten has come from stopping at what you would call a dive.

She almost went for it the last time we were in town, the place was packed that day and the only parking spot was around back next to the dumpster. Cindy looked at the back of the building, and then at the dumpster, and put the GMC into reverse, saying "I'm not eating at a place that looks like I might get my throat cut before I get inside", that day we took our chance with the ruffians hanging around outside the Olive Garden.

I was really surprised when we left the Doctors office and Cindy said "I want to try Mr. Taco today." I never expected this and was happy to see an empty parking spot right up front, we could smell Mexican food when we got out of the car, a much better experience than what we would have smelled the day we almost parked next to the dumpster.

Going inside the setup is for you to order your meal at the counter, they give you a number and you find a place to sit, when your food is ready a waitress will bring the food out to you, simple enough...Right?

The Breaded Fish Tacos

"Today's Special" was fish tacos for .99 cents each, I like fish tacos so I ordered a couple for myself, I even had a choice between breaded or grilled, so I ordered grilled, Cindy ordered a cheese enchilada and a shredded chicken taco, along with an unsweetened tea to drink, I looked around at all the frosted mugs and thought, When in Rome you do like the Romans do, or in this case when in a Mexican bar...

I ordered myself a beer in a frosted mug, expecting a draft beer to be drawn up, but instead the lady behind the counter reached down into a vat of ice and pulled out the tallest beer can I have ever seen in my life, I bet that I could have stood on top of it to change a light bulb even at my height, then out came a frosted mug large enough to accommodate the amount of beer inside the can.

While Cindy was getting herself some chips and salsa at the self service chips and salsa bar, I had to test this assumption by attempting to pour all of the beer into the mug.

There is a technique to pouring beer into a mug, if you simply pour it in, you will end up with half a mug of beer and the top half nothing but foam, this is not good if you want to actually drink your beer, because to get a drink tipping the mug back gets foam all over your nose, and with only half a mug you have to tip it back further than normal, and no one wants foam on their face and beer on their shirt because they had foam in their eyes.

For a good pour, you have to hold the mug at an angle and slowly pour the beer onto the inside top of the glass and allow it to flow towards the bottom, as the glass fills simply angle the glass to an upright position, and voila, you now have a full mug of beer with very little if any head, or foam at the top. This is what I did and low and behold the mug held every drop of beer from that giant can.

The only problem was that it was perfectly even with the rim, almost rounded up out of the glass like the slightest movement would send the liquid crashing onto the table, I did what any self respecting man would do, I sure didn't want to spill my beer and be accused of alcohol abuse, so I leaned over the mug and sucked the beer down to a respectable level, as I sat back upright I noticed Cindy standing there looking at me, she had just returned from the salsa bar and just stood there shaking her head, she didn't even ask...

Cindy was telling me about her experience while getting her chips and salsa, the chips part was easy because chips are chips, but there were about a dozen different salsas, Cindy is not a fan of spicy.

Self serve chips and salsa bar.

There was a young Hispanic man there at the same time she was, so she asked him about the salsas, he told her that he loved the green salsa and that he preferred the mild. The hot salsa was one one side and the mild on the other. She pointed in front of him and asked. Is this the mild sauce? And he replied. Give it a try. Cindy got a small container and scooped some into it, she dipped the tip of her pinkie finger into it and tasted it, she said that her mouth was immediately on fire.

She brought some for me to try and she was not exaggerating this stuff was really hot. I asked her what happened to her friend who told her to try it, she said he grabbed his chips and moved to the other end for the green sauce there instead.

About this time my fish tacos came out, the waitress walked up and said with a thick Mexican accent, "Breaded fish tacos?", I nodded my head, I was still concentrating on how this guy had suckered Cindy into tasting the hot sauce, the waitress sat the plate in front of me and walked away. Cindy pointed out to me that I had actually ordered grilled and not breaded, she flagged the waitress down, told her of the mixup and asked about her own order.

The waitress took back my plate and apologized, said she would check on Cindy's order and exchange mine for the grilled tacos. A little while later my grilled fish tacos arrived but  not Cindy's enchilada and taco, Cindy again asked about her order and the waitress again said that she would go and check on it.

To make a long story short, just about the time Cindy was getting up to go and check on it herself was when her order arrived, I could have eaten mine three times in the length that it took for Cindy's to come out.

Mr. Taco Review:

I thought that the fish tacos were really good and I would definitely order them again.

Cindy said they smelled really fishy.

Cindy hated the red sauce on her enchilada, and said the shredded chicken really didn't taste right.

Upon further inspection her shredded chicken was actually shredded beef, I tasted her red sauce and in my opinion it left a lot to be desired, kind of tasted like Tabasco with no kick to it.

Cindy loved the Spanish rice and said it was about the best that she had ever eaten, but that was the only good thing on her plate.

I am the wrong person to ask about Spanish rice so needless to say I didn't try it.

We both agree that Cindy's and my orders should have come to our table  at the same time.

The quality of Cindy's food was not good, and the service was mediocre at best.

I would give it another try, because my Tacos were good, the beer was good, and I didn't need a second one.

Cindy said she has no desire to go back again, if she had just ordered Spanish rice she said that she would have been happy, but everything else was so bad she won't even try them again.

Cindy and Jimmy not happy with Mr. Taco

End result is I have to agree with her on this one, the bad outweighs the good and we will not return. Mr. Taco gets no thumbs up and Cindy's little friend who tricked her at the salsa bar gets one digit.

WFW - The Fairer Sex

This weeks Words for Wednesday is hosted by Grannie Annie over at Fools Rush In. Like always the purpose of the words is to encourage us to write, a story, poem, or whatever comes to mind.

If you join in please stop by Grannie Annies blog Fools Rush In and let everyone know where your post is so that everyone can enjoy it.

Here are the words for today:

arbitrary, diminution, plausible, immense, temporize, pandemonium

garble, élan, perfunctory, bifurcate, vermicular, toothsome

The Fairer Sex

The brother in law and his new companion were a toothsome couple by sight, but in private their personalities tended to bifurcate the moment they began a conversation. His immense training as a law enforcement officer gave him command of the room when he began to speak, and his perfunctory smile melted all of the women making them hang on his every word, this was a plausible explanation he always gave himself for his luck with the fairer sex, and his grace and style with speaking commanded everyone else’s attention, you could say public speaking was his élan.

She however would temporize herself to his conversations in public, and follow along as best she could, all of his big words and fancy speeches got old to her rather quickly, his voice once mesmerized her but now all of the garble seemed to lead simply to the diminution of her fascination in him.

Their arbitrary hook up turned out to be not just a chance meeting, she thought it was fate, she actually thought it to be the finding of her soul mate, but for him it was simply that she was the first woman he saw when he entered the bar. His vermicular movement through the crowd gained her attention, and when he spoke she knew that this would be for life.

After the pandemonium of her life with him for the last six weeks, she had finally began “Fattening the Hog” so to say, she now had him staying at home and gorging himself on food, liquor, and anything else she could slip into his meals or drink.

The looks and whispers from his family followed by his outburst at his mothers table said that her plan was working, it was just a matter of time now, if he wanted to treat her like a whore, then she was going to treat him like a John and take everything he had, plus leave him completely undesirable to any other woman.

Walking the Dog then and now

Walking the Dog is a repeat of a short post that I did on June 15th 2005, this post only got one comment at the time but my blog was fairly new then.

I thought for fun I would do a then and now post, Walking the Dog is the original post with pictures of Dixie and I on or about the date of June 15 2005, below that post I am going to add pictures Cindy took of Dixie and I on September 23, 2017.

To give you a little background this was during the time that I was either walking with forearm crutches, or was in a wheelchair, Do You Want To Race explains this period in my life somewhat.

Our neighbor had given me this scooter so I could get out and visit the neighbors, Dixie thought that every time that I got on it that she had to go also.

Walking the Dog  

6/15/2005

Thought you might get a smile out of me taking my dog "Dixie" for a walk. Now who do ya think is really in control here?

Mowing the Lawn 

9/23/2017

And this is Dixie helping me mow the lawn (actually just ride on the tractor) twelve years later. I think she is still in control.

A Stinky Situation?

What do you do when you have a colony of ground squirrels living on the backside of the property up on the hill away from the house, nowhere near anything you are using? You leave them alone.

Now what do you do when one comes down the hill and takes up residence underneath your shop? This is when you panic, ground squirrels are viscous little creatures and I really don't need one tearing up the foundation of my shop by building squirrel tunnels and inviting all of his friends. I have never heard of this before but I don't want to be the first guy to get the lower leg of his jeans ripped to shreds by a pesky squirrel that is squatting under his shop.

My live animal trap

The solution is a live animal trap, this way if I catch the squirrel then I can deal with him, and if I catch one of Cindy's rabbits then I simply release it, no harm no foul.

The squirrel had been spotted running out from under my shop and munching on the little cottonwood tree saplings that are springing up in the garden area. My idea was to set the trap right in the middle of a batch of these trees; I also had some concrete hard dirt that I had dumped out of the pots from our failed tomato-growing excursion this summer. I placed the dirt shaped like a flower pot next to the trap to semi hide it, and then covered the top with some of the tree saplings that I had pulled up.

Perfect, now I have created a secluded dining place for the pesky squirrel. Within a couple of hours I had the varmint captured.

After "relocating the squirrel" I set the trap once again, the very next morning when I went to let the chickens out, the trap was sprung, inside was a half grown rabbit, I opened the door and watched him scamper to safety.

Yesterday morning our little dog Dixie and I went to let the chickens out and again the trap was sprung. Another half grown rabbit. I think it was either the first ones twin, or the same rabbit again. I opened the door and Dixie chased it all the way to the fence. The rabbit got to the fence long before Dixie did, with Dixie being fourteen years old, the rabbit had a good chance of out running her.

I decided if I had another rabbit this morning that I would just release him and put my trap away. As Dixie and I made our way to the Chicken pen I could see the door was once again slammed shut on the trap, I went by and opened the door to release the flock for their daily routine, then I looked into the trap. I slowly backed away...

Skunk in live animal trap, taken from a distance.

What do you do when all of a sudden you realize this is not Bugs Bunny but instead Pepe Le Pew?

The first thing you do is remain calm and slowly, I said slowly back away, I had to grab Dixie because she does have a history with skunks. We had to take her in for a de-skunking at the groomers after her last encounter.

I really didn't want she or I to be forced into a de-skunking this morning, so I took her back into the house. Cindy asked me, Did you catch anything this morning? I said, Yes I did. Another rabbit? Nope a skunk...

She had the nerve to laugh out loud, she laughed so hard that her face turned red, she was literally bent over and slapping her knee. I didn't think this was all that funny, not laughing out loud funny. One time my brother in law came up against a skunk, I wrote about it in Jest Shoot Em if you want to laugh at a skunk story, I thought this was funny even though my sister didn't.

I asked Cindy if she wanted to walk out with me to go and see the skunk. No way she said. I bet it really stinks. He didn't spray, I told her, we just have to remain calm and move slowly. What are you going to do with him? She asked. I'm just going to release him, you and I are going to place a tarp over the trap so he won't see us, and then I will open the door and let him go. Good luck with that, she said, because you are on your own Bud...

I gathered my shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, in preparation for dispatching Pepe back into the wild.

My red broom handle and trusty green tarp

Actually I grabbed a tarp and a handle that I had saved from an old push broom, the handle was to push the tarp down and around the trap, not to poke the skunk because I was really trying not to get myself sprayed.

I folded the tarp to the approximate size I needed and held it in front of me as I approached the trap, I was also holding the broom handle, which caused me to lose grip of the tarp and drop it from my right hand. I froze for just a minute while the tarp unfolded at my feet and watched the skunk, I'm looking at him and back to my tarp on the ground, he is basically ignoring me, so I re fold the tarp within a few feet of the skunk, he is busy digging up dirt and destroying the vegetation near his enclosure.

With my newly folded tarp I approach the trap, I slowly place the tarp against the side of the trap and this is when I hear a drumming sound, this is a warning that skunks give when they are getting ready to spray, I froze right there doing my best mannequin selling a tarp impersonation and allowed Pepe Le Pew time to settle down.

Tarp actually covering live animal trap the skunk was caught in.

I gently laid the tarp over top of the trap and used the handle to press it into place all around while leaving the trap door accessible; I waited for a minute and then pulled the door open latching it into place. This is when I slowly backed away as quickly as I could, picture me now running backwards in slow motion.

The skunk emerged from his makeshift cave and looked out at the field and definite freedom, I was expecting him to scamper away in that direction, But No! He instead made a right hand turn and squeezed underneath my shop.

I did the only thing that made sense for me to do at the time, I picked up my green tarp, red broom handle, and live animal trap to put them all away, and then I went back to the house for a cup of coffee.

Pepe Le Pew (Source)

What do you do when a skunk goes underneath your shop after being released and not spraying you? You leave him alone...

Down it came

It was fifty nine degrees early this morning and Cindy decided that today is the day to take the pool down for the season, I had just shocked it and added chlorine so needless to say the water was looking really good, crystal clear if I say so myself.

I said to Cindy that I wanted to get in the pool at least one more time, but there was a slight leak coming out from underneath and to patch it the best thing to do would be to drain the little pool, but it wasn't like the major leak the other one had, I just know that we can swim once more I said.

Look at the temperature Jimmy, Cindy said to me, it won't be that hard and we will be better off taking it down now before it gets colder. Yes but it's not winter yet! I contested. No it's not but it is almost October, she replied. I want to use it one more time, I demanded.

I should know better than to demand anything by now, we have been married over twenty years for goodness sake. So you all know exactly what happened, yes down it came.

The rest of the day I drained the pool and draped it over the poly carts to dry, the tarp that I had the pool sitting on was stretched out on the driveway and hosed off, but before I could do that I had to do something with the dirt that the pool water had washed down the driveway right where I wanted to place the tarp.

Needless to say this little "let's just take the pool down" job started before breakfast and lasted until after supper.

Our little mini poolio is now boxed up and stored away for winter, and after all of the draining, stretching, folding, packing, sweeping, and shoveling dirt, I notice that as the sweat runs down my back that it's really hot out here.

I'm thinking this.

But I'm seeing this.

I say to Cindy, It sure would be nice if we were floating in that pool right now.

She says, Let it go Jimmy, just let it go...

Dancing with dogs

You always hear stories about dogs and their interactions with the mailman, the postman rings twice but is then seen being chased down the walkway by Fido.

I know dogs have an aversion to postal workers, but from experience I can attest to the fact that Meter Readers are right there at the top of the list also, in fact anyone who is wearing a uniform shirt with their name over one pocket and the company name they work for over the other is fair game for dogs.

Fido lies in the front yard sleeping with his buddies until an opportunity arises. With one eye open Fido tells Fluffy, hey look it's Ole Jimmy from the Water company coming down the sidewalk, just keep quiet and watch this. Fido quietly creeps across the grass and hides next to a shrub that sits next to the water meter box, and just as Jimmy is kneeling down to read the meter in the ground.

(Source)

Fido gives a low growl and jumps against the fencing right above Jimmy's head, barking furiously. Jimmy falls backwards dropping everything in his hands. Fluffy joins into the barking frenzy, Jimmy composes himself and reads the meter visibly shaken, as Jimmy walks away, Fido and Fluffy high five one another and laugh their little doggie laughs, and go back to lie in wait for their next victim, possibly the mailman.

I always got along with most animals that I ever came into contact with, but some animals, especially dogs can trick you into their little game.

When I first went to work for the water company, I read meters in the morning and drove around town passing out reminder notices in the afternoon. My first lesson on dealing with dogs came while I was still being trained.

Fred was training me, and we pulled up in front of a house that had a reminder notice due, I had three options, knock on the door and give the notice to the person, hang the notice on the doorknob if no one was at home, or hang the notice on the gate if you couldn't gain access to the yard. Just hang it on the gate, Fred tells me. It looks like they are home, I said. Yes but there are dogs in the yard, Fred replies. I see that, but look how friendly they are.

I opened the gate and two medium sized dogs ran up to me, one was carrying a ball and dropped it in front of me, I threw the ball and patted the other dog on the head, I knocked on the door and ended up hanging the notice on the doorknob.

Walking back down the steps with two dogs bouncing around you is a trick, but throw a ball bouncing at your feet into the mix. I threw the ball several times for the dog while making my way back down the walkway, when I got to the gate I told my new friends that I had to go and grabbed the gate handle to go out. This is when the ball was dropped and both dogs bared their teeth.

I was instantly attacked and the bottom portion of the denim jean material on my right leg was literally ripped off as I fought to pull my leg through the gate, I had to use the gate to keep the dogs inside while I was trying to get out.

I got back to the truck and said to Fred. Man did you see what those dogs did? He said, yeah I saw it, next time I tell you to hang it on the gate I guess you will do it.

After this whenever I approached a customers closed gate with a dog in the yard, I simply hung the notice on the gate and went about my business.

On one such occasion as I approached the gate a boxer came running to meet me, I always liked a boxer having owned a couple in the past, but wasn't going to be tricked like before.
I walked up with a rubber band already attached to the notice, with the intention of attaching it to the top of the chain link gate, the only problem was every time I tried to attach it to the gate the dog would jump up and snap at my hands with his teeth.

So here we are the boxer jumping up and down on one side of the gate and me on the other side holding the notice in one hand and the rubber band attached to it looped around the thumb and index finger of the other hand, moving my hands together from the top of the gate to up above my head over and over. I was trying to time it to where I could attach the notice without the dog grabbing my hand. But instead it looked like we were doing some weird synchronized meter reader/boxer dog hokey pokey dance.

I finally timed it to where she was on the ground and right before her next bounce I snapped the rubber band on the gate, I threw both hands above my head in victory and yelled "Yes!"

Next thing I see is the dogs back feet on top of the gate, I take a step backwards just as her front paws hit me right in the chest, I start zig zagging backwards towards my truck and the dog is zig zagging in front of me, lunging and snapping as she is forcing me backwards. Kind of like a we are now doing the two step, the only problem is I am not the one leading, and I really didn't go to this house to dance with this dog, but here I am making moves I didn't know that I could make.

My handy dandy meter key (Source) Tools of the trade

Up against my truck I reach into the back and grab my trusty meter key, now I have the boxers attention as we play Zorro, I slash zees through the air and the boxer does what boxer dogs do, she bounces on her back feet and throws her paws in the movements that gave this breed their name.

I worked my way to the drivers door and jumped into the truck, the dog bounced back over the fence and we sat there staring at one another, no blows were ever exchanged, so I suppose this bought could be called a draw, unless you want to give it to the dog for form, she did fly through the air briefly.

One of my customers was a motorcycle mechanic that was late on his bill frequently, a big guy who deep down was a good man, I always liked this guy. He knew exactly when his reminder notices were due and would chain his German Shepherd dog on the front porch making it impossible for anyone to get to his door.

Whenever I went to collect I would walk up, pat the dog on the head and knock on the door. He would open the door, laugh and say, Hell Jimmy I knew it had to be you because you are the only one he will let on the porch.

I had a newly appointed female supervisor, and one day she decided that she was going to ride along with me to see how well I knew my job. I had been a Customer service representative for a while and was doing collections on this particular day, she followed me up to each persons door and stood behind me to listen and take notes.

Before we ever got to the motorcycle mechanics house I told her, you need to stay in the truck and let me collect this one by myself. She responded, if you are going to the door, I will be right behind you.

I stopped in front of his house and told her. You really need to stay in the truck. She wanted an explanation, so I pointed to the dog.

First thing is I don’t think you can get past the dog, second thing is he is a pretty big dude and will answer the door in his underwear which will embarrass you, he will either pay me or he won't and if he doesn't I will shut off his water, simple as that. She told me there was no way I could know this and that she would be going up to his door, I just grinned.

She opened her door and started to get out of the truck. I said, for the last time you need to stay in the truck, she looked at me and said, you are forgetting who the boss is here. I replied, just remember I warned you.

(Source)

I leaned on the truck and watched her strut up to the house, then I tried not to laugh as she ran back down the walkway with the German Shepherd barking at her heels, he chased her to the end of his chain.

She was yelling for me to call animal control, I didn’t say anything and walked right past her up to the dog, I patted him on the head and knocked on the door. Mr. Motorcycle Mechanic opened the door in his tightie whities and grinned saying, who's the gal in the truck? I told him it's my boss, she came out to see if I know what I'm doing, he laughed and said, I see she couldn’t get past the dog. As I said before I always liked this guy.

I guess the German Shepherd showed her who was boss, and no I did not call animal control, this dog liked me.

Not really, but seriously.

I actually was considering doing a video, Vlog, hitting the big time with my own reality/sitcom TV series. Not really, but seriously I did discuss with Cindy that she and I should get together and do a video. "You know to play for all of the many hundreds of my adoring fans who want me to do something like this" OK maybe I over sold a couple of suggestions that I may or may not have gotten.

She thought it was a good idea at first and asked. What would we talk about? I want you to know that we were riding in the car at the time, so she was a captive audience whether she wanted to be or not.

Off the top of my head I broke into a completely made up story, well not completely made up, just twisted in a couple of spots. I said, how about the time we went to the races a couple of years ago?

I remember driving out to the track for the first time ever. We had never been to this track and had tickets to the Sunday race; we also had a ticket where we both could meet my favorite driver. The only problem was this meeting was scheduled for Saturday.

The tickets to see my favorite driver were valid, but my track tickets were for Sunday not Saturday. This didn't matter to the guy taking the tickets, and whether the tickets to see the driver were valid or not we still had to get inside the gate, he said that it didn't matter how many times I showed him that ticket, I still didn't have a track ticket for Saturday, it cost me another forty bucks to win this argument and my way past the gate.

We found the tent where the big meeting was to be, we found a couple of people standing behind the tent that looked like they knew what they were doing, so we walked up and stood beside them, which was good because they were first and second in line, this put Cindy and I third and fourth.

The driver appeared and number one marched in, I was going over everything I was going to say in my head when number two went in, next it was my turn I walked up to the driver shook his hand, started to say something, when someone yelled smile and I saw a flash of light, I turned to see our picture had been taken, a picture of the driver smiling at the camera, and me with my head turned and my mouth open. "Next" someone yelled. But I wanted an autograph I said.

My autographed hat.

My driver smiled and took the hat off my head, signed it, and then placed it back on my head saying there you go bud. I had a sharpie marker in hand and was reaching for his hat when security lead me to the exit, hell I figure if he signed my hat I should return the favor...

Cindy said No No No, I don't like that story, and that didn't really happen at the autograph session, I know but this is what you call "Satire" I thought it might be funny. He did slap my hat back on my head like that!

No I don't like how that sounds, Cindy tells me.

Ok, I say. How about the time we were in Santa Fe on our honeymoon?

When you and I found that fancy steak house.

Cindy ordered Prime Rib for herself and had been telling me how good prime rib was, I decided to try it and hate to admit but it tasted like boiled meat to me, I was not impressed and that was the last time I ever had it.

In the meantime while we were waiting on the boiled meat our prime rib entrees, Cindy was listening to me ramble on about everything under the sun, you know back in the days when you ladies actually listened to us guys. She got a refill on her tea and asked me for a packet of sugar. I had one in my hand that I had been reading.

I handed it to her and said. Here try this one; she glanced at it and asked, “What is this?” I proceeded to tell her the story about where this sugar was from, how the cane was specifically grown, the unique harvesting procedures, and all the other history behind it, things like the date it was introduced, how it got it's special color and everything else I could remember.

She looked at me and said, Wow how do you know things like this? I smiled and pointed to the package and said, I read it on that package, she looked at me and said, I thought you were smart there for a minute...

Cindy and I shortly after our marriage in 1997

She laughed and said I remember that, I really did think you were smart.

But this doesn't sound good either Jimmy.

Ok I have a story about Little Johnny, where I can fold notebook paper and tell the story at the same time; you have seen that one...

Jimmy! She said. Yes Cindy what is it? You are a doofus, she said. Yes I replied we have already been through this, I even wrote a post where you called me a doofus...

That's what I'm trying to tell you, keep writing, but please don't do a video.

You write a whole lot better than you talk...

WFW-Disclaimer

This weeks Words for Wednesday is again hosted by Grannie Annie over at Fools Rush In. Like always the purpose of the words is to encourage us to write, a story, poem, or whatever comes to mind.

If you join in please stop by Grannie Annies blog Fools Rush In and let everyone know where your post is so that everyone can enjoy it.

Here are the words for today:
Onerous, meme, steadfast, yawp, copacetic, savant
and/or
akimbo, wreak, haphazard, advise, tare, vindicate

Disclaimer

Non grammatically correct zone

ampihibology....a phrase or sentence that is grammatically ambiguous.

My good friend Delores posted this word and definition on her blog a few days ago, I commented that it sounded like a description of mine, and I then decided to use it in a disclaimer to vindicate the grammar mistakes that I frequently make, but instead I am using it in this week's WFW meme because I feel that posting a disclaimer on my blog is really not needed.

Jimmy's Opinion is a grammatically ambiguous blog, punctuation mistakes and overuse of commas are to be expected, and may be noticed by everyone but myself. I am no savant but if something I write sounds normal it should be copacetic in spite of any grammatical mistakes everyone else sees.

Writing for me has never been an onerous task, I really enjoy writing stories and in spite of wreaking havoc on the English language with my haphazard use of commas and such, I feel that what I write is understandable.

Like most of us I write the way I talk, with the tare of my brain at zero I can plunge headlong into the steadfast task of telling you about my life and hoping to bring a smile to your face at the same time, without worry of being one hundred percent grammatically correct.

Any flub ups in the grammar department should be overlooked because even if you corrected me I am likely not to remember your well intended advise next time I sit down to write anyway.

With a yawp of excitement I see that I have nearly come to the end of this attempt at having a little fun at my own expense, while using Granny Annie's words at the same time, with my arms akimbo I believe that my job is done.

My Best Ideas

What do you think of when you sit down to write a post? Do you think of things you did today or yesterday? Or do you remember things you did a long time ago, maybe even when you were a kid.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Fact or fiction which do you prefer writing about?

Facts and actual events are easy for me to write about. As most of you know my stories mostly come from my life, anything from a trip to Wally-world with my wife Cindy, not so successfully capturing gophers, the time we drove across country with the kids, even when we left New Mexico and ended up sleeping in a U haul with our little dog Dixie, or the time I lost my little Brother accidentally on purpose, it was Not like the movies, because I knew where he was all along. This may be a lot of examples, but my point is that real life is completely full of stories that you can share.

If you get stumped on what to write, just reminisce on things you have done in the past, or even what you saw the last time you went to the store.

Fiction is a lot of fun too, I haven't written a lot of fiction but what I have written takes a lot of imagination. The Words for Wednesday challenge gives us a list of words. The first one I participated in was especially easy for me. The words reminded me of an incident my Dad had told me about that happened to him. I simply began writing a story based on his experiences, and all the words fell into place. That was one of the easiest fiction stories I have ever written.

Todd and Tammy was really a lot of fun for me. A lot of the instances were based on areas familiar to me, and even some bad experiences I have witnessed, or that people close to me went through. No one I know was actually ever held hostage, or anything like that, but letting your imagination run wild based on facts can and will turn into a good story.

I'm not claiming to be an expert but my best ideas come from things I have actually seen and done, and other times those ideas come when I let my imagination run wild.

Descriptions in your story can be based on actual things you have seen. For example a piece from A Burst of Light I described Tammy seeing her baby for the first time like this. "Tammy looked down at the face of her newborn angel, she was the most beautiful thing Tammy had ever seen, her reddish looking skin had a sericeous quality, covered in little downy hairs that Tammy thought strange but cute at the same time." I have two sons from my first marriage that I don't talk about here, their choice not mine, but I was actually in the room when my youngest son was born.

This description is how I remember feeling and how he looked first time I saw him. Even though I didn't know what sericeous meant until the morning I wrote that post, I do remember him being covered in that downy hair, and how good looking a baby he was. Just goes to show we are never too old to learn something new and apply it to things we have experienced.

The best thing you can do is to read your story out loud to yourself before you post it, I have had to reword a lot of sentences after reading a post out loud, add a word, or remove extra words that don't sound the same out loud as they do in my head.

Rereading my posts and editing them before I publish them hopefully makes them more understandable to you.

How many times have you written something that you think is going to grab your readers attention and then nobody comments on it? I think this is common with a lot of us.

Have you ever written something in jest or as a satire? But rather than coming off as such it was taken seriously. Or have you written something you are serious about and it is taken lightly? What I'm getting at is sometimes your best idea comes off completely different to your readers than what you intended.

I don't have an answer for this other than to just keep putting yourself out there because you are the reason your readers keep coming back. Fact, Fiction, Satire, Poetry, or whatever you enjoy just keep doing it.

We sometimes need to step away for a break, I know I did due to my health for an extended time, and that's OK. But all of the kindness and laughter my friends here have shared with me over the years brought me back into the fold.

Thank you to all who have stuck with me for so long, and Thank you to all of my new friends for giving me a chance.

One last thing; As an example of things to write about, I really didn't have an idea for a post when I started writing this one, but I ended up writing a post about writing posts. Did you notice that?

Original Ding Dong

"Plink plonk", went the doorbell. This is sure a weak attempt at letting us know someone is at the door. Cindy's Dad has a physical therapist coming out to the house, and after his last hospital stay they sent a nurse in for four visits.

"Plink plonk", goes the doorbell, so I get out of my chair to open the door. Where you going? Cindy's Dad asks. The physical therapist is here; I'm going to let her in. I tell him as I'm walking to the door. How do you know she is here? He asks. Because the doorbell rang, I say. I didn't hear no doorbell.

After the therapist leaves. I make a decision, which is normally overruled, and say. Dad that doorbell is getting pretty weak so I think I will get a wireless set. One that has two receivers so I can plug one in here where we sit, and one in the front room, that way we know when someone is here. He questions what I mean by wireless set. So I show him the set we bought for him to get our attention with.

I had actually bought a doorbell set for him a while back, one receiver is in Cindy's and my bedroom and the other out in the bunkhouse, where our computers are, Dad carries the button so if we are not with him and he needs us he can get our attention. This works really well at night, oh man it is really loud at night.

I thought that I would get another set and simply replace our existing doorbell button with the one from the new set and use it like it is intended, you know like a doorbell. Well what's wrong with the doorbell we have? He asks. So I explain again that you can barely hear the one we have. Then he tells me. There shouldn't be anything wrong with it, you just replaced it with a new one not long ago. No sir I replaced the button when we first came to stay with you, nine years ago.

Oh yeah, he says to me. That means the doorbell has never been replaced. Then Cindy asks. When do you want to replace that doorbell? I tell her about my decision to buy another wireless doorbell set, and place one in the front room, and one in the room where we sit, that way we can hear when someone rings the doorbell.

Oh no, She says, we should just replace the doorbell that's not working. Yes I can do that, I tell her, but for twenty four bucks I can order one from our favorite place that sells everything from A to Z and have it rushed to our door in two days. All I would have to do then is plug one in each room and replace the doorbell button with the new one, no wiring required.

Oh no, she again says, what if it interferes with the one we already have? It won't interfere. But what if when Dad pushes his button that we don't know whether it's him or someone at the door? She asks. Simple, I tell her, we just set the doorbell to a different sound than Dad's. Nope I don't like it we will just go and get a new doorbell.

Overruled I find myself going to the big orange warehouse lumberyard/ big box store to buy a doorbell with Cindy. They had choices but the cheapest one that she liked was forty bucks. I suggested skipping this and going back to my original plan. Nope we are already here so we will just get this one, she informs me. And we are off to the registers, which are on the opposite side of the store over in the lumberyard.

Then suddenly like a hen on a June bug, Cindy is diving into the clearance rack, she comes out holding a doorbell like the one we wanted marked ten dollars and three cents, satisfied with her find she lays the forty buck one down and continues walking.

Why was that one marked down so cheap? I hear Cindy's Dad ask her. At the time I am up on a step stool removing the old doorbell. I don't know Dad. It looked like the package had been opened. She replies to him. I now have the package opened and everything is there except the little hardware package, which isn't a big deal because I can simply use the screws from the old one.

Cindy's Dad tells her. There must have been something wrong with it to be marked down like that. I am now back up on the stool connecting the wires, I push the test button and hear a loud "DING DONG" nice, then I hold it down for a different tone... nothing. No big deal as long as we get the original Ding Dong.

I heard that, is that as loud as it goes? Cindy's Dad asks. I don't know Dad. Cindy replies. Is that as loud as it goes Jimmy? Yes that is as loud as it goes, I reply. Yes that's as loud as it goes Dad, Cindy says. It'd be nice if you could turn it up louder; maybe that's why it was marked down. He tells her.

I now have the wiring done and hold it up to attach it to the wall, and of course the screw holes don't line up, so I drop the doorbell down and move it over to where at least one does line up, I now have one screw firmly holding our bargain basement doorbell bell in place, I push the test button one more time "DING DONG" thumbs up. I climb down and go to the front door and press the button, and nothing happens, no DING DONG, plink plonk, nothing.

I can hold the button down and it will ring, but nothing if I press it normally. To make a long story short for this doorbell to work you have to install to the connections of the doorbell button a little diode that looks like a hair with a lump in the middle that is included in the doorbells "HARDWARE PACKAGE" which we don't have.

Cindy's Dad is laughing so hard while I take the doorbell down and place it back into the previously opened package that I had torn open again. The return was easy at the orange warehouse lumber yard/ big box store, Cindy pockets her ten bucks and change while I again suggest my original plan of getting a wireless set.

Nope we are here, let's just get the 39.99 doorbell we came for. Cindy and I walk back to the doorbell display and guess what, that particular doorbell slot is empty, sold out, gone...

Cindy rejects everything else they have to offer, rejects my once again suggestion to order a wireless set, and against my better judgment while she is browsing I walk over to the clearance rack and pick up the original doorbell that we were going to buy. You remember the one Cindy left behind when she found the clearance one earlier.

Cindy yells to me from the doorbell display, No Jimmy we are not getting another clearance doorbell! It's not a clearance one; this is the first one you had. I reply. I didn't know the girl could move so fast. Next thing I know she has the doorbell in hand and is heading for the self-checkout.

First thing I did was install the little diode that looks like a hair with a lump in the middle into the doorbell button, and then I hooked up the wires to the doorbell. The test button works, all the other tones work, and before I drill any holes or attach any screws, I go to the front door and push the doorbell button...

Success! It works. Cindy's Dad yells. Is that someone at the door? No Dad it's Jimmy putting up the new doorbell. I hear Cindy tell him. Well I hope he got a better one than that cheap one he had.

DING DONG, How about that Dad? I ask. How about what? The doorbell how does that sound? I ask again. "DING DONG" that's kind of low, can you turn it up? It's already all the way up. I tell him. I selected a different tone. DING DING DING DING DONG, DONG DONG DONG DING DONG. That's a nice tone he says.

When I hear this, I place the cover on the doorbell and climb down, I am picking up my tools when Cindy comes in and says. I can't believe Dad is having a hard time hearing that. Well her Dad heard Cindy say that. He yells, I don't know why you are working on that doorbell anyway, spending good money for nothing, because I won't answer the door even if I could hear it.

Cindy looks at me and whispers, I hate to say this but we should have just ordered the wireless set...

WFW- A Burst of Light

This weeks Words for Wednesday is hosted by Grannie Annie over at Fools Rush In. Like always the purpose of the words is to encourage us to write, a story, poem, or whatever comes to mind.

If you join in please stop by Grannie Annies blog Fools Rush In and let everyone know where your post is so that everyone can enjoy it.

I am going to continue our story of Todd and Tammy that I started a few weeks back, this is likely to be the series finale for this story, if you missed the first four you can find the first one here Sitting on the window sill and the follow ups here Two miles from town. and The Broken Lock and also Slipping under the blankets.
Granny Annie tested our brains today with her word selection, but I pulled it off and used every one.

Words for today are:
Flat-Hat, inalienable, construe, dithyramb, sericeous, fidelity
and/or
poltroon, ludic, turpitude, bosky, assay, repudiate

A Burst of Light

Todd froze in place for a brief moment, and waited for Woody to construe his stillness as giving up. He suddenly grabbed the barrel of the revolver under his chin and pushed it forward and up away from his face, splitting his chin wide open with the front sight of the gun in the process. There was the sound of a loud explosion and all he could hear was a ringing in his ears.

Woody struggled to keep possession of his service revolver as Todd wrestled him for it, it was like everything was suddenly moving in slow motion, he knew the gun had discharged sending a bullet flying God knows where, but Todd was still fighting with him. They were tangled in the blankets from Tammy's bed and as they rolled off of the edge, Woody felt as if he was floating until the back of his head struck the dresser and the gun vanished from his grip.

The gun finally shook free and Todd found himself holding it by the barrel. The turpitude of this man made it easy for him to use it like a hammer and he began slamming the butt of the gun repeatedly into Woody's skull. Todd felt his head suddenly jerk forward and saw a burst of light as he dropped the gun and fell on top of the deputy.

Dan threw old man Jefferson's shotgun onto the bed and picked up Woody's revolver. Dan had cracked Todd in the back of the head with the butt of the shotgun stock; he felt an inalienable right to continue but knew once he started it would be hard to stop.

Tammy was standing in the doorway now watching him, her eyes were wide open and filled with tears, one hand covered her mouth and the other held her belly, she just stood there not moving at all.

Dan rolled Todd off of Woody and after grabbing Woody's handcuffs he secured Todd's hands behind his back and left him lying face down on the floor. Dan scrambled over to Woody and only got Tammy's attention by yelling loudly, Tammy call 911!

Todd opened his eyes and looked around, he tried to sit up but found himself handcuffed to the bed, as he yanked on the cuffs the door opened. Woody, with his head wrapped in bandages walked into the room followed by the Sheriff and two more deputies.

Todd Vickers was read his Miranda rights and officially arrested. He was charged with kidnapping, rape of a minor, false imprisonment, attempted murder, assault on a peace officer, two counts of auto theft, and burglary just to start with. After Woody read all the charges, he said, Todd old man Jefferson says to tell you that you owe him for a tank of gas.

The Sheriff stepped forward grinning with an arrogant demeanor and held up the local newspaper. Just look at the headlines this morning. "Kidnapper Caught With Pants Down...Literally", the picture is a little ludicrous but I like it, he said turning the paper around for Todd to see a color picture of himself lying handcuffed and face down on the floor with his naked butt blurred out, but still obvious. I think some of your new friends down at the penitentiary are going to be interested in this.

The Sheriff dropped the paper and it landed right on Todd's lap. The Sheriff smiled at Todd and placed his mobile phone to his ear, turned and walked out of the room followed by Woody and his other deputies.

A tear rolled down Todd's cheek as he screamed at the top of his lungs and threw the newspaper towards the closing door.

Tammy screamed at the top of her lungs as her baby made its arrival. Fifteen hours of labor was not easy for Tammy. She was scared something was wrong with the baby because it was taking so long, the nurses laughing and telling her that this was all normal didn't make her feel any better either.

She had never hurt so bad in her whole life, but the sound of a slap and then the wailing of the newborn was so much of a relief to her. Just the sound of that little voice crying out for the first time made all of the pain Tammy had just gone through seem worth it somehow.

When the baby was laid upon her chest, Tammy looked down at the face of her newborn angel, she was the most beautiful thing Tammy had ever seen, her reddish looking skin had a sericeous quality, covered in little downy hairs that Tammy thought strange but cute at the same time. She smiled and said. Hello baby girl, your name is Danielle Elizabeth Hayes, I'm going to call you Dani.

Dani's name is a combination of Tammy's Dad's name Daniel, and her Mother's name Elizabeth. Tammy's Mom Beth had died when Tammy was only ten years old but she still loved and missed her, Dan's fidelity to Beth was still important to him, and Dani sharing Beth's name would only make him love her more. Dani would soon become her grandpa's shadow. Dan loved her and always took her everywhere he went. If you saw Dan that meant Dani was right there too.

Sixteen years later Tammy moved back home to help Dan out, he was slowing down and wasn't much able to take care of himself anymore. He couldn't navigate the cellar stairs to get his canned goods and having the girls back in his house was a blessing. Tammy took the spare bedroom next to her Dad's and Dani moved into Tammy's old bedroom. She loved sitting on the windowsill just looking out of the window at the bosky terrain, all of the trees and undergrowth gave her a secluded feeling of comfort.

Dani had met a guy in town named Jerry; he was a few years older and really good-looking. Jerry was a bit of a bad boy; a wild one but oh so gentlemanly at the same time, she was in awe of his stories, he had done everything from helping birth baby animals on his uncle's farm, to masterminding the theft of a crop duster that he and a cousin used to flat-hat sunbathers over on Lake Hartwell.

Dani wasn't sure how many of his tales were true. Jerry liked using words that she didn't always understand like assay and dithyramb, he even told her that he could help her learn so much more about life than just words, and that she would be a weak poltroon if she wouldn't let him help her.

Dani wasn't sure exactly what this meant but he always gave her gifts and always said the right thing to make her feel special. He had just that day told her that he loved her.

Jerry had his own place out in the next county and wanted Dani to come with him to live there. He told her that it would be great and he wanted to take her away from her life of picking up after her Grandpa and following her Momma's rules.

Jerry smoothly said to her, A pretty girl like you should be queen of her own castle, not picking up after old people like some servant. With me you won't have to do anything but what you want, you will love it.

She was standing by the windowsill in a brief moment of indecision wondering if she could really do this, I mean this wasn't some dynamic diabolical plot against her Momma and Grandpa, it was just that he made her wonder if she wanted to be here any longer, she was going to be sixteen and a half next week and she figured that was long enough to be stuck at home.

Dani's Momma always freaked out if she left her window open at night. She would tell her, Be sure that window is locked tight Baby Girl, you never know what's lurking out there in the woods.

Once Momma's lights go out this would be too easy, she could slide right out this window and meet Jerry up at the blacktop, he said that he would be waiting next to the driveway at midnight, and their life together could begin.

Dani's mind was made up; she was going to do the hardest thing that she had ever chosen to do. She leaned out the window and looked at her duffle bag sitting on the ground, and then she climbed up into the window.

Dani slid off of the windowsill and quietly landed in the dewy wet grass outside, she grabbed her duffle bag from behind the hedges and tossed it back inside the window.

Dani pulled herself up into the window, then closed and locked it. Jerry was going to be mad, she had to repudiate him, he was way too old for her anyways, and she laughed at herself because that is a word he would have used.

Right now her Momma needed her help with Grandpa, and she really loved this old windowsill, her place was right here.

Der antenna topper

When we lived in New Mexico we spent a lot of our fast food time either at the walk up window, or in the drive through of the local Der Wienerschnitzel. There was no dining area so basically everything you ordered was to go, they did have a few tables for sitting outside but that was about it.

For those who have never heard of Der Wienerschnitzel or Wienerschnitzel as they are known now, I guess Der was too hard to say so they dropped it, they even changed their logo from the big D/W and the name Der Wienerschnitzel to a big red W with Wienerschnitzel across the front but anyways. What I was going to tell you is they claim to have the best hot dogs and chili dogs around, but they do sell other items including Tastee-Freeze ice cream.

This post is not about their history though, it is not even about the restaurant, what we are going to talk about today is the famous hotdog, not the one you eat but the life of the one that was stuck on our van.

Cindy's go to fast food fix is a, "Chili dog no dog", simply because she hated the hotdogs but loved everything else about Wienerschnitzel's chili dog. That is until they started making a chicken corn dog, now that one is so good I even like it, Ok back to the story.

One day when Cindy pulled up to the window to get her chili dog no dog. The girl at the window said, Hey Cindy do you want to get a hot dog today? No, Cindy replied, I never eat the hotdogs. The girl laughed and said, you can't eat this hotdog... And before she could continue Cindy said, I can't eat any of your hotdogs.

The hotdog topper looked like this new.

The girl held out a plastic wrapped hot dog antenna topper, Cindy was in love and snatched him up right away, I installed him on top of the radio antenna on our van. It looked really good until the first time we got on the highway. At highway speeds this hot dog was heavy enough to bend the antenna back towards the windshield. Cindy and the kids thought it was funny, the faster she went the more the antenna bent backwards.

It about scared me to death. I could just see the antenna being ripped from the fender and sailing through the windshield or the passenger window. That hot dog was flopping around all over the place and sometimes pointing straight at me, I really didn't want to be forced into going into the emergency room with a plastic hot dog impaled in my body along with a car antenna impaled into his. I wonder how you would explain that to the insurance company.

On the car insurance form I'd have to claim we were hit head on by a flying hot dog, and the medical claim would be something like, stabbed in right shoulder with a car antenna by a crazed plastic hotdog. The easiest thing to do was to have Cindy pull the van over and slide the hot dog down to the lower end of the antenna, this is what I chose to do.

During this time in our lives we were vacationing in South Carolina one year and California the next. Our vacations were always road trips and Der Antenna Topper always went with us, he didn't cause much trouble and probably traveled one hundred thousand miles on that antenna. The hot dog faded in color but held on tight, a lot of people got a kick out of seeing a hot dog on our antenna, and we got used to having him there.

When we traded vans we didn't have the heart to let him go, so I took him from the old van and installed him on our new van, the kids had grown and they were all driving now, but the hot dog topper was still going along for the ride with Cindy and I.

We almost lost him in Jackson, Tennessee one year, we love stopping in Jackson and were coming out of a restaurant when Tim pointed and said, I wonder what that man is doing over there? I walked up to the guy who had the hot dog slid all the way to the top and was wiggling it around trying to get the hot dog to turn loose of the ball at the top of the antenna.

Can I help you? I asked him. He was a polite devil. He said, No thank you I almost have it. Then he stopped and looked at me. This your van?, He asked. Yes it just happens to be my van, what are you doing messing with it?, Oh sorry I was just admiring your hot dog, he told me. I said, it sure looks like you were trying to take him off my antenna. No sir, No sir that's not it, he said as he jumped in his truck and drove away.

That hot dog navigated another hundred thousand miles with us on the new van, he bravely faced a lot of traffic situations, thunderstorms, bird bombings, car washes, and actually held on tight when one of the kids drove the van.

That is until Tim wrecked his own car, and while it was being repaired Cindy had a lapse in judgement and allowed Tim to drive the van to school. Tim's school was in Grady, NM, about thirty five miles away from our house, and Cindy figured it was easier to let Tim drive the van, than to drive seventy miles twice a day to take him to and from school.

This went well until Tim came home with a crack in the windshield, no side mirror, no antenna, and worst of all No Hot Dog!

It seems there was road construction going on, and one of those pesky signs just jumped out and barely tapped the van, Tim didn't even see it.

Barely tapped the van! And you didn't see it! Where is my Hot Dog?

We actually drove out to Grady and found the only sign that was turned sideways with it's little corner bent and had a black mirror that matched the one from our van lying just past it. But we never found the antenna nor was the hot dog ever seen again.

I can see how Tim missed seeing that sign. You don't really believe that do you? Heck that sign was only about a four foot wide and it was orange for goodness sake, it even had large black letters screaming Road Construction Ahead! I believe that I could have seen that sign with my eyes closed...

I can't believe that we had this hot dog antenna topper travel approximately 200,000 miles from coast to coast on two different vans without flying off, avoided being hotdognapped in Tennessee by holding onto the antenna tighter than the thief could pull, stuck with Cindy through drive throughs, school pick ups and drop offs... you get the idea.

Then halfway into a thirty five mile trip with Tim, the little hot dog breaks free from the van somewhere near Grady, NM and runs away dragging his little antenna behind him.

We did get a new topper, he was the same except for the addition of a red white and blue top hat. But really it never was the same again...